COPD - Caregiving is NOT for Wimps!

Changes

2009-07-01T19:33:00.000-04:00

Some of you may have noticed that I've removed all my ads. I started this blog for me. It was a place to express myself. To share my story and listen to yours.

What started off as a Caregiving blog evolved into gardening, grandchildren, poetry, birthdays, family, and seasons.

I've decided to re-name this blog, or actually start up a new one, called Changes with the Seasons. I was tired of seeing google ads about oxygen concentrators, miracle cures for COPD, and whatever other nasty stuff they wanted to advertise.

Blog Her Ads was much better to work with. At least there were people to contact when you needed a problem sorted out. The Blog Her Ad network was full of creative, fun, regular people. They wanted regular posts (of course, otherwise, why advertise?).

But now that it's summer, I don't want to post when somebody else insists. I will post when I feel like it. After all, this is why I started blogging in the first place. To be my own boss. To sit at the computer for hours if I want or leave it when I'm too involved in other activities. And my good blogger buddies understand. They have a life too.

So COPD Caregiving is NOT for wimps will evolve into Changes with the Seasons. The focus will not be on hubby. Oh, I will still blog about our life together, as I continue to grow and learn and try to accept that which I cannot change.

As a matter of fact, the focus changed a long time ago. I wanted a happier blog, and began to branch out into other topics. I even learned to post my digital-camera-challenged pics without embarassment. One day I will take the time to buy a better camera and learn more about photography.

So on to a new blog... I hope to see all of you there!

Details...

2009-06-27T19:46:00.005-04:00

Yesterday, we had new garage doors installed. Our old wooden ones had to go. I was sick and tired of prying up the bottom of the door in winter when it was freezing cold. The wooden doors actually froze to the garage floor. I would then stick a shovel underneath and jump on the handle to break the ice and pop the door open. Enough is enough! Time for some new ones.

Details - do you notice details? Well I don't. I never noticed that the doors did not have handles on the outside. Hmmm. One of our garage doors has the automatic door opener, so you don't need an outside handle to open it up.

Our other garage door opens manually. Much better for the oxygen delivery man (we just leave it unlocked and he picks up the empty cylinders and brings us full ones), and much better if I want to take my bike out for a ride. We're down to one car, since hubby doesn't drive any more, so the second garage is for storage. I keep my bicycle in there, as well as gardening stuff, mops and buckets, garbage can, recycling bin, you get the picture. It's much easier to manually open this door, instead of using an electric door opener. I'd have to walk around the garden (or ride my bike) with the opener in my pocket, or I wouldn't get back in.

Doors were installed. Technicians (that's what the salesman called them), were almost ready to leave, when one of them said:

"You realize Ma'am that there is no handle on this door."

Well I'll be! I hadn't noticed. Now do I ask the most obvious question?

I did.

"How am I going to open it?"

"We can put a handle on it for you."

Oh, am I supposed to be impressed? Or did they think I really didn't want to open this brand new door?

They screwed on a suitable handle, which worked like it should.

"How do you like it, Ma'am?"

"Very nice, thank you."

Now really, it's just a door handle. You'd think this guy had given birth to it!!!

Curious, I went for a walk down our street. Sure enough, there were only 1 or 2 houses with crummy old wooden garage doors - with outside handles. The rest had new (or newer) garage doors with no outside handles. That meant only one thing - almost our whole street used automatic garage door openers. I never noticed.

We had a new bathroom shower installed last year. The old one was leaking and looking gross. I had tried caulking it, waiting 24 hours, using the hairdryer to dry it, ripping it out, caulking it all over again, waiting 36 hours, blow-drying it, changing the caulking material - all to no avail. It kept on leaking. Finally I'd had enough. I am certainly no handiman - or handiwoman for that matter. Not even close.

So I went to our local Home Hardware store. Picked out a reasonably priced shower stall and fixtures. I don't like these stores. Too intimidating. Too many nuts and bolts. Too much "guy stuff" (read: stuff I don't understand, and don't really want to).

A week or so later, our shower arrived along with the "technician". He spent all day installing it. It looked fine. I was asked not to use it for 24 hours. That was alright with me, as I really really wanted that caulking to stick.

I waited 48 hours just to be sure. Turned the handle to the proper water temperature. Then pushed it in towards the wall, so I wouldn't get a deluge on my head. I don't like a full stream of water. Usually about half strength is fine with me. It didn't budge. I pushed as hard as I could. It still didn't move. So, I twisted and turned. Pulled and pushed. Nothing. Gave up and had a full-throttle shower. What happened to water conservation? Don't they now make flush toilets using only a fraction of the usual amount of water to avoid wasting our precious resources?

The next morning I tried again. Still could not slow that shower down! So back to Home Hardware I went. I checked out all the "newer" shower hardware and found that you could not adjust any of them. One setting. That's it. Period.

Now I ask you - when you go to buy a tap or a faucet, do you ask if you can adjust the water flow? And when you order garage doors, do you ask if they come with a handle so you can open them?

Either I shop at the wrong places, or our world is getting crazier!

Summer Solstice

2009-06-21T20:13:00.002-04:00

Happy, Happy,

Summer!!! Flowers are in full bloom. Days are long. Sun is shining between the rainclouds. BBQ's are cooking.

I had the most splendid day! Spent the morning in the garden. It was rather gloomy and cloudy; even rained a tiny bit, but by afternoon the clouds parted and the sun shone!

I made a cup of tea, and walked around my yard, thanking the flowers, birds, bees and Mother Earth for all of her gifts. This Solstice weekend was to be a "heal our planet" weekend, whereby each person would choose their own way of sending healing energy around the globe.

Later in the afternoon, after Hubby's nap, we sat quietly outside, taking in the sights and sounds of this glorious summer day. Hubby had his book, but I was watching. There is a nest of red-capped chickadees in our hedge and I was wondering when the babies would be leaving their nests to learn how to fly. I did not want to miss this.

I had been so careful not to disturb their nest by being curious. Oh, it was hard. I did so want to peek inside and take pics for this blog. But one other year, I frightened a bird away. She abandoned her nest and I've felt badly ever since.

Luck must have been shining down on us this first day of summer, for it wasn't long before I heard baby "cheeps". At first I couldn't distinguish these sounds from other birds, but soon pinpointed their location as coming from the hedge. Next I saw some fluttery movements within the hedge. Hmmm, this couldn't possibly be adult birds. They usually fly right out of the hedge, not within.

I watched and waited some more. They must have been getting the hang of things, for they started venturing outside of the hedge and on to the lawn, the nearby trees, and the other hedges. Fascinated, we continued to watch those tiny fledglings hopping from hedge to hedge as they tested their wings. One little bird bravely flew to the oak tree. It clung to the trunk in fear, afraid to let go. The mother flew to a branch and then to the ground to encourage Junior, but he just flapped his wings and dug in deeper. Then a wiley chipmunk ran up the tree towards Baby. That was the "push" Baby needed to fly away.

Father's Day, Summer Solstice, and baby birds leaving the nest. It was a glorious day! I hope you all had a nice day too!

Strange dwellings

2009-06-18T20:08:00.003-04:00

What a strange place for a spider to live.......on top of an outdoor table........connecting flower pots.

This see-through sticky material ...... looks almost like saran wrap.

How can a spider live in such an odd-looking house? No floor, no door, no windows, no walls. And everything open, for all to see.

This little caterpillar is in the middle of spinning his cocoon. He chose such a strange place......in the little space between the back door and the brick wall....right on top of another caterpillar's cocoon.

It didn't take long before his cocoon was made. Now they're both asleep.....until?? I don't know how long this process is likely to take. Maybe some of my fellow gardeners (especially the ones who like bugs) will tell me.

I 've drawn circles around the two cocoons, so you can see them. Strange place for a house........right above the doorbell!

Garden fun

2009-06-12T20:12:00.003-04:00

Mrs. Tiggywinkle and her baby keep watch over my herb gardens. Somebody's been nibbling my purple basil in the night! I suspect it must be naughty chipmunks. Do you think they flavour their salads with it? Or brew basil tea?
I started potting up some herbs for Computer Son last year. Now it's become a tradition. He enjoys cooking and likes to use fresh herbs in his creations. Looks like a sneaky groundhog helped himself to the parsley (on the left side of the container). That's why all the herbs have ended up on the table. I hope he (or she) doesn't know how to climb.
Sweet pansies......I wonder if they're having a sing-along. Or maybe they're just sunbathing. Whatever.... I think they're happier in a container instead of in the ground. They usually dry up and die about mid-summer; probably due to our sandy soil and fierce sun.
Snapdragons are so pretty, but I haven't had much luck, until I tried this variety last year. I like the way they cascade gracefully down the sides of the pot. And the blooms last all summer.
And last, but not least, our resident faerie, having a private consultation with another pot of pansies. I wonder who is telling the secrets and who is listening?? Happy gardening everyone!
Enjoy the weekend!

Seeds of discovery

2009-06-08T19:56:00.004-04:00

I was tidying up the yard the other day. Branches had blown off some trees and scattered all over. Usually these branches are dead, but this one still had leaves on it. I started cutting it up into smaller pieces.

My mind was miles away. I was thinking about whether or not to get some planting in before lunch, when I noticed these tiny bumps on the branches.

Those are funny-looking lumps, I wonder if the tree is sick....
Wait a minute, those funny-looking lumps look like.... baby acorns! This tree isn't sick....it's pregnant!
Here's a closer look.

So that's how acorns are made! As you can see, there are lots and lots of teeny, tiny acorns on each branch. The oak leaves (they look wilted in the pic) are on the tips of the branches. They must reach up towards the sunlight for nourishment to feed their babies. Or to protect them from the strong rays of the sun.

We have plenty of oak trees in our yard and that means an abundance of acorns. They don't show up until late summer or early fall. But at this time of year, I don't give them a thought. Anyway, the trees are so high, I've never had the opportunity to observe baby acorns in the making.

I was thrilled with this discovery, so I shared it with Hubby. Don't know why we've never noticed this before.

Backyard Fun

2009-06-05T20:13:00.004-04:00

The more pictures I take, the harder it is to get them right. Does that make sense? No, probably not.
You'd think the more practice I get, the better...... Jasmine, look at Grandma...

No, not down at your water toy....up at the camera.

Smile, Nathan. Oops, just missed it.

Yes, that's the sun shining up there, but please show me your sweet smile, once more.....

I took about 20 pics that day. And these are the best. Oh well.

At least the day was warm and sunny and we spent the morning playing in the backyard.

I did not realize how difficult it is to photograph small children. The only pics I took of my own children were for special occasions. And probably my parents took those, as I was busy with cake and ice cream or unwrapping presents.

Enjoy the nice weather while it's here, everyone. Have a good weekend!

June is Busting Out All Over!

2009-06-01T08:37:00.000-04:00

All over the meadow and the hill.....
And the young Virginia creepers have been hugging the bejeepers....

Don't remember any more of that song. I just remember singing it in high school. Must have been June and spirits were high. School was almost over. Yippee!

June means strawberries.
Warm sunny days.
Soft nights.
Flowers bursting with colour.
The smell of freshly cut grass.
Fledglings learning to fly.
June bugs, beetles, ladybugs, butterflies, dragonflies and bees.
Laughter and fun.
The beginning of summer!

What does June mean to you??

School Play

2009-05-29T20:19:00.002-04:00

Well it's that time of year once again. School is winding down and children are putting on performances for their parents and grandparents to attend. Grandson Ryan was singing in the play Swan Lake. He (along with other children) was disappointed that he didn't get a "part", but I assured him that singing was an important part of the performance.

I do remember those long-ago days when everybody wanted to be dressed up in a colourful costume and star in the show. Everybody wanted the lead part. Or at least an important part. I almost always got relegated to sing. I loved singing, but to be on stage and shining like a star! Wow! It's too bad that only a few chosen children get to be stars. I wish everybody could have that chance.

Well, life isn't about center stage (unless you take that up as a profession) and children need to learn that as one of life's lessons. But in my mind (and heart), Grandchildren are always the Star of Grandma's show!

Hope everyone is having a sunny day (weekend). We're having rain.

May is a Magical Month...

2009-05-24T19:46:00.002-04:00

Our lily of the valley are in bloom. Lilacs too. May is the beginning of the outdoor gardening season in this part of the world .....and I LOVE IT!!

Today, May 24th is my eldest granddaughter's 13th birthday! She is now officially a teen-ager! Happy Birthday, dear Kaitlin. Sorry I don't have a more recent photo of you, and this school photo is a little washed out, but nonetheless - I am happy to be your grandma!

Thirteen years ago, you came into this world and blessed us all with your presence. Today I am so proud of you - not only what you achieve, but who you are.

Lots of Love on your special day,

Grandma Wendy

Adapting....

2009-05-20T21:16:00.003-04:00

Hubby has asked me to buy him a walker.
I nearly fell off my chair.
I bought him one 2 and a half years ago, which he asked me to return.
He was not ready.
Now he is.

Two and a half years ago, he could still walk outside. While grocery shopping, he would lean on the shopping cart, while placing his oxygen cylinder in the basket where a child would normally sit.
I thought a walker would make life easier, back then, but he resisted.

Hubby wants one for in the house. He gets tired just walking from room to room. And he wants to walk a little on our back deck - to try and build up his leg muscles.

One day not long ago, I was driving home from visiting my daughter. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and there was no wind. No reason to think the power might go off. Happily zooming up the driveway, I nonchalantly pushed the button on the garage door opener.

Nothing happened. I pushed again. Still nothing. Oh S**t!! I jerked the car into Park, threw open the car door and left it that way. Pulled on the handle of the manual garage door, meanwhile praying for all I was worth. Please, please, please.......

Smashed open the inner door to our house, and heard the alarm screaming! When the power goes off, Hubby's oxygen concentrator emits a high-pitched squeal. Oh no! Please! Not yet!

Ran into the TV room where hubby takes his naps, and jumped up beside Hubby in the bed.
"WAKE UP!' I yelled.
He woke up.
I cried (well not right away, but afterwards).
I hooked him up to his portable and thanked God he was alive.

We figured out he had been asleep without his supplemental oxygen for 20 minutes. Nobody home. No back-up. And he did not hear the alarm! Something had to be done.

We had talked about getting an emergency service like "Life Line" before I went away. Hubby was not interested.
Now he is.

We are making changes in our home.
Sometimes change comes easily.
Other times, we seem to be forced in a certain direction before we allow change into our lives.

Ecomuseum

2009-05-16T20:01:00.004-04:00

My daughter and I celebrated our Mother's Day by taking the children to the Ecomuseum. I don't know why it's called a museum, since the animals are all outdoors. Mind you, there is a building on the grounds, where some lectures take place about the habits and history of native animals. The bear pit! We didn't want to get too close to Mr. Bear.

Ah, the otters. Er.... where did they go? There were here swimming and playing just a minute ago. I think I see an otter back in the upper right corner. Or maybe it's the tail?

Jasmine is giggling at their antics, as Mommy holds her up to the otter tank.

Could not get a pic of the otters in motion. They were just too fast for my camera. So here they are, basking in the sun.

We had a wonderful day. Complete with lunch at home and no nap!

Continued....

2009-05-13T20:15:00.004-04:00

Here is where I stayed. Just kidding. My hotel was the little one with the red roof, just to the right of the huge, rather posh hotel.
If you look closely, you can see that on the left side of the red-roofed hotel is an open-air restaurant.
This is a closer pic. You can't see the restaurant, but the dolphin statue is directly over the front door.

The first morning, I went to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. The service was great. I did not want hash brown potatoes with my scrambled eggs and bacon, so the waiter suggested sliced tomato instead. Perfect! I was pleased. He seemed to know what I'd like. We chatted a bit about Fort Lauderdale and then I went to the beach.

One evening I had supper there. I ordered mahi-mahi served with veggies on a bed of rice. Ummmm - it was good. There was a man at the next table who struck up a conversation. He seemed friendly enough. We chatted about his internet business and his family.

"So what are you doing tomorrow? Not that I'm trying to ask you out!"
I didn't know whether to be insulted or to laugh.
I chose to laugh.
"I know you weren't."

Yikes - why did he have to justify a perfectly innocent question? I know he was just curious, or trying to make light conversation.

Then an older couple sat at the next table. I don't remember how they got involved in the conversation, but it was funny to be having a conversation with all these people as if we were at a dinner party. Except that we were seated at different tables, and had to shout a little to be heard over the noise of the other diners.

Breakfast time, on my last day of vacation. I wanted something simple and quick. There was a young lady sitting alone at the next table, eating blueberry pancakes. They looked yummy, so I ordered some. While waiting for my order, I started a conversation with the lady. We talked for a bit and then she left.

I was still waiting for breakfast and I was hungry. And getting crabby. I looked around and saw that other people (who had walked in after me) were already happily munching toast and bagels.

Now I was really getting annoyed. Where was my waitress? I hadn't seen her in a while. Did she go for coffee? Or home? To the beach?

I stopped a waiter "Is there a problem with my order? I haven't been served yet and they have." I made a sweeping motion with my arm to include the tables around me. And I didn't care if I sounded like a school kid.

"I'll go and check." he said amicably.

I waited a few minutes. My waitress still had not come back. Then I saw the waiter come back from the kitchen (where I presume he was checking on my order) and start clearing tables at the far end of the restaurant.

What the heck? Did he check for me or not? Well how about coming over to me and saying "your order's coming right up." Or "it will be just a few more minutes". Or... anything!

Now I was really mad. So up I got, once again, and angrily flounced away, down the sidewalk intending to pick up a ready-made sandwich at a convenience store.

I had gone about 2 blocks when I came across a familiar hotel. Wait a minute, didn't I stay here 4 or 5 years ago? With my Dolphin group? I'm sure of it! We stayed one night and the next day, departed for the Bahamas for a Swim with the Dolphins program. I remembered (back then) that breakfast had been included. Hmmmm. I wonder......

I walked right in. Said good-morning to the few people milling around. Popped a bagel into the toaster. Spread it with cream cheese. Poured a cup of coffee and took breakfast out on the terrace. Ahhhh this is more like it! My crabby self faded away. And Mrs. Crabby turned into Mrs. Full-stomach-satisfied. And Mrs. Satisfied turned into Mrs. Oh-no-did-I-really-do- that?

Walking back to my hotel, my conscience was prickling me. Maybe I should walk back and put a couple of dollars ..... where? It was a self-serve kitchen. There was no where to put any tips or money. Should I leave it at the front desk? The desk clerk would pocket it. Well so what? It would ease my conscience. But then I would have to explain....

Too late now anyway. I had to get packing. So I left a few dollars for the maid who cleaned my room.

I know. She had nothing to do with it. And it was a totally different hotel. But I felt better. And made blueberry pancakes for Hubby and me when I got home.

Eating Out

2009-05-11T07:57:00.007-04:00

Eating out when you are on holiday is always a pleasure.
After all somebody else does the cooking and washing up afterwards. And you get to try different dishes. Food you wouldn't normally try at home, or food special to that region.

My vacations almost always take me to the sea. And that means seafood.

When vacationing in Maine, I eat lobster. In Fort Lauderdale it was shrimp and fish.

I had the absolute best experience eating at the Cheesecake Factory. I'd heard about it's excellent reputation, but I'd never been, so one afternoon, after disembarking from the Water Taxi, I set out to find this legendary restaurant.

The Cheesecake Factory was very busy. I'd also heard that there are times you have to line up and wait for a table. I'm not good at that. When I'm hungry I want to eat .....now! I can't wait. My head gets dizzy and I get crabby.

I was in luck. No waiting, but the restaurant was busy. I chose a table outside in the shade. Nice ambiance. The clientele were obviously business people or contented shoppers enjoying a break and a delicious meal.

I ordered the guacamole and shrimp, a glass of white wine, and their key lime cheesecake for dessert. I was not disappointed. The food was divine! Service impeccable. I look forward to going back there one day.

Now for the not-so-good eateries.

I was walking down the Beach Strip a day or so into my vacation, popping in and out of beach boutiques. I'd tried on t-shirts, summer dresses, flip-flops, sunglasses, and funny hats. Feeling hungry, I perused the eating places.

Hmm. Menus were pretty much the same and I walked from one eatery to another. Some were crowded, some not so. Then I saw a woman eating curly fries with her meal. Curly fries! Ohhhh, I love those. And haven't had them in years.

Quickly I walked in and sat down at the nearest empty table. The waitress came to take my order. She poured me a glass of water, which I promptly began sipping.

Then I looked around. Eeewww, she hadn't bothered to clean the table, where I was sitting. Crumbs from the last customers were visable not only on the surface of the table, but on the chair beside me as well.

Eeewww - was I sitting on crumbs?

I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Looking around I noticed that this place was not as clean as I'd assumed.

Sipping my water, I waited for my meal.
It didn't come.

I was beginning to feel strange vibes. (or I was creating them, who knows!)

Feeling uneasy, I looked around again. Was it my imagination, or were the people sloppily dressed, not-so-nicely mannered, loud?
O.K. I said to myself. I'll give them 3 more minutes to bring my order.
I think I actually waited another 3o seconds.

Then I walked away. Down the sidewalk (all these eateries are outside on the sidewalk, making walking away much easier than if you had to walk past the maitre'di or seating person), I went at a rather quick pace until I found a shop where I could purchase just a sandwich to curb my hunger.

I think I made a wise decision. I wonder what the waitress thought when she brought out my order? Or maybe it had gotten lost?

To be continued......

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T00:00:00.000-04:00

To all mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers!

And a very happy Mother's Day to those who are mothers in spirit, whether they've given birth or not.

Happy Sunday to everyone!

Grandson's new home

2009-05-08T22:30:00.004-04:00

Welcome aboard my magic bus. Where would you like to go? We can travel near.
We can travel far.
We can get off and take a car.
Or change this bus into a boat.
And sail the Seven Seas
Or travel to the jungle
And swing like monkeys
From the trees!
No?

O.K. then,
Come follow me along the path,
Beside the ancient tree,
A little further,
Through the hedge
Tiptoe-ing, soft-ley...

Around the back and over the deck,
Where would you like to roam?
I think I've had enough of this.
Please just take me home!

Adrian's new home.

Adrian is grandson #4. Elder Son and daughter-in-law's firstborn.

There's lots of room in this new home. A backyard, garage and swings! I know they'll be happy here.

Ocean Energy....

2009-05-07T18:04:00.004-04:00

I've brought back energy from the ocean.

And restored faith in myself.

Taking a break from the Caregiving routine - a total time away has shown me that I can feel "normal" again.

This was so important to me.

For I had begun to doubt myself.

Fatigue, sore muscles, and lack of energy led me to believe that there was something seriously wrong in my body. But once I jumped into the ocean, played in the waves, and lay in the warm sand, all the aches, pains and depression dissolved. Faded away. Gone.

Not on the first day, of course.

On the first day, instead of feeling excited once I checked into the hotel, I felt sad. What was I doing here? All on my own, while poor Hubby was stuck at home (and not feeling well, of course). I knew he would start one of his "down cycles" by the time I was ready to leave. But there was no turning back. I had to go. And I could sense him downplaying his symptoms for my benefit.

Kicking off my shoes, I flopped down on the king-sized bed. Memories of all the wonderful vacations we had taken together, washed over me, and I wished with all my heart we could vacation together again.

After a restless night (I find it hard to sleep most nights, worse in hotel rooms), I awoke to the lure of the ocean. After a quick cup of coffee, I ran down to the beach.

And surrendered.

Surrendered to the soft ocean breeze. The sand between my toes. The cry of the seagull. The enticing waves, washing to shore, calling me to come and play. Or swim, or dance.

Taking a deep breath, I stretched towards the sun. That golden glow permeating my skin; its warmth caressing my face.

"Good morning!" I called to the sky. The waves. The creatures of the deep.

Pulling energy up from the Earth (the sand really), I began.

Gently, yet with purpose, my tai chi routine unfolds.

Focusing my mind on the movements brings a calmness, a sense of peace. Sandpipers skitter at my feet. The gentle lapping of waves grounding, like a heartbeat.

Drawing strength from my surroundings, I relax.
Ahhhhh - bliss!

Home Sweet Home

2009-05-05T20:53:00.003-04:00

This is my new home. Ha! Just kidding!
This really is some millionaire's home in Port Everglades, Fort Lauderdale.

I had taken a Water Taxi to see some magnificent homes and to enjoy travelling over water, rather than in a hot, dusty car.

The beauty of this form of transportation, is that you pay only one fare ($13.00) for the whole day. There are 11 stops and you can ride the circuit from morning until midnight as many times as you wish.

What most people do, however, is to get on at one stop, ride for a bit and then get off somewhere to shop and eat lunch or dinner. You can get right back on and continue on your way. Or decide you've had enough and take the next taxi boat home.

I have more to post, later on.
Now I want to visit all my blogger friends and play catch-up.
I had a fun, relaxing, rejuvenating time.
And I'm glad to be home - my real home.

Bon Voyage!

2009-04-27T19:13:00.003-04:00

I am leaving tomorrow morning for Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I will be back on Monday May 4th. A short break, but one that I've been looking forward to since the winter.

I don't plan to email or blog while I'm away. I'll be swimming in the ocean, walking the beach, and shopping!

Will miss all my blogging friends.
Hope you all have a wonderful week with lots of sunshine and gardening.

Spring flowers at last!

2009-04-25T19:33:00.002-04:00

These little blue stars were the first. Too bad they look sunbleached.
It was a hot, dry, dusty, blowy day. I wanted to take a pic of these daffodils this morning when they were still closed. But, the sun was too strong. Today it was 28 C or somewhere in the 80's! Most unusual for April. After supper I took my camera outside. The sky was overcast. Ah, perfect for picture taking (I'm learning). To my surprise this one had opened! You can see a bit of purple hyacinth just behind.
This lighter one, pictured down below, is just beginning to open. Tomorrow rain is predicted, so I don't know whether this daffodil will fully open in the rain, or wait until another sunny day. Isn't it exciting to watch them open one by one?
Last, but not least, are my favourite. Teeny, tiny, bell-like daffodils. They may look big in the pic, because I held my camera up close, but they are a miniature variety. So sweet!
What's blooming in your Spring garden?

Eavesdropping....

2009-04-23T21:12:00.004-04:00

I was standing in line at a Tim Horton's coffee shop the other morning. Looking around I noticed a table where a couple of elderly gentlemen were sitting.
It was mid-morning and they were deep in conversation over coffee and doughnuts.

"Do you know it costs $500 for a plain wooden box?" said Mr. Serious.
"Ha! I've got some in my garage!" chucked Mr. Jovial.
What were they talking about? Not coffins, surely.

"Oh no, you can't just use any old box. They have to be a certain size. It's got to fit!" said Mr. Serious.

It? The body?
I then turned my attention to the menu, so they wouldn't see me so blatantly eavesdropping.

"....cremation....."

Oh-oh, they were talking about funerals.

".........and those urns! They're so expensive!!" continued Mr. Serious.

"A coffee can is good enough for me!" Mr. Jovial shot back.

Just at that moment I turned around to see a woman, reaching out to pick up a can of Tim Horton's coffee from the shelf.
She obviously had not heard this conversation.

Should I have enlightened her?

A Fine Line..

2009-04-20T12:03:00.002-04:00

There is a fine line between giving and giving away.
It's taken me all this time to awaken to this realization.

For the past few years, I have been struggling with needs. Hubby’s and mine.
I am now learning to value myself and honour my needs.
Blogging has helped me with this.

However, I could never come to the point where I put myself first. How could I? Why should I? I was taught to put others before me.

"Be polite. Don't be so selfish. Let others go before you. Take the smallest portion. Stop thinking about yourself" are words that echo down through the years from a distant childhood.

To care for someone is to make sure they are comfortable and safe. And then the mother/caregiver/wife can turn her attention to her own needs.

Not so hard to understand on the surface, is it?

But let's take another look. A little deeper one. At some point, the lines blur. The boundaries between Patient and Caregiver become entangled, or fade into each other.

Caregiver doesn't recognize her (most of the time it's a female caregiver and I'm talking about myself here anyway) own needs anymore. His needs take precedence, since they are life-threatening, or he just can't carry them out anymore. So Hers either cease to exist or His become Hers.

I had been feeling depressed because of our loooong winter. Cooped up inside away from the sunshine and garden. Happens to a lot of people during the cold, dark months. But there was more. I felt like my life was not going anywhere. Every day I’d have symptoms of anxiety; feelings like I wanted to run away. Feeling "stuck" here.
Life was starting to feel hopeless. I had nowhere to go.

I wished with all my heart that Hubby and I were back in that delirously happy time when we first met. We lived our lives with passion, energy, fun, travel, and joy. It was a dream come true.

I woke up one morning recently with no energy. Picked up a broom and swept the back deck clean. Not such a strenuous chore, but then I had to go and rest. Something is very wrong. Where is my energy? I can't let myself down like this. I have to get back on track.

Then something snapped or clicked. I realized just how tired I am of giving. But what can I do? I can’t leave Hubby. I won’t. I need to care for him.
“Ahhhh,” said a little voice somewhere in my head, “it’s not the giving you are tired of, it’s the "giving away little bits and pieces of yourself.”

Giving and Receiving are a natural part of life. We need to give to someone who is dependent on us. We receive their love and support in return. But we don't give up our own needs. There is a fine line. A distinction between the two.

That’s when I made the connection. I have been giving up my own life. I no longer work. Go to tai chi classes. Ride horses. Socialize (except for my family) Travel. Take singing lessons. I had been giving away or giving up too much of myself in the role of Caregiver. I had been living Hubby’s life. Not mine.

No wonder my body had been sending me signals. Fatigue, depression, painful muscles, anxiety, insomnia. Did I listen? Of course not. But you can't ignore your body's signals for very long. They have a nasty habit of persisting. What you resist....persists!

It hit me that my whole day consists of caring and pleasing hubby.

I look to him for advice. I am vigilant for every little nuance in his speech, his tone of voice, so I could capture the real meaning behind the words. Did he want me to cook rice? Or spaghetti? Just because he said rice did not mean he really wanted rice. Perhaps he was trying to please me.
How convoluted. How ridiculous. We never had that kind of relationship before. We used to be such a happy, outgoing, active couple. We'd each be at our chosen professions and then come home and share our day. We valued and respected each other's point of view. Nobody tried to overly please the other person. We did the normal things of course (candles, chocolates, flowers, checking the oil in my car - yes hubby took great pleasure in doing that little thing for me, which I grew to appreciate)

So when did the balance tip? When did I become an extension of him? When did I lose my own life and take on his?
Three years ago I stopped travelling. Simply because I couldn't leave him alone. Now with my new understanding, I know that my life can't stop because of his illness. I long to travel. I need to see the ocean, feel sand under my toes. Breathe the soft ocean air. Shop 'til I drop. So I will.
I need to work part-time. So I will.
It's enough that I plan my day around his schedule. That I do with love and patience.

But I can't keep giving myself and my life away.
I can and I will give - but not "give away."

It has been a long road to this discovery. A long voyage. And blogging has helped me tremendously, to arrive here.

I have finally, finally booked a trip.
Hubby's son will arrive next week to look after him.

It is time I looked after myself.

It is time I began to disentangle my energy, my boundaries, my life force from Hubby. I know he will feel this, and I feel sorry. To feel your loved one detach (however slight) is painful. But I think it's time I walked my own path - in my own shoes.

Lessons....

2009-04-16T21:35:00.002-04:00

Spring clean-up time once again.
Our lawn service guys came to clean up the yard.
The team consisted of 4 healthy, young, strong men (well, boys actually, the way they horsed around, kicking leaves onto a tarp instead of raking them and just generally being playful).

Watching from the window, I was impressed with how well they worked together.
Hoisting heavy leaf blowers on their backs, they quickly blew all those left-over dried brown leaves into piles. One of them picked up fallen branches, which were strewn all over the property. He pitched them into the truck.

One of the young men pointed his leaf-blower towards my rock garden. I held my breath. Please don't destroy any of those tender shoots! Unfortunately he blew the fragile white crocus a little too hard. It was gone in no time!

Taking a short break, I watched as two of the four fellows lit up cigarettes. I always feel sad when I see young people smoking. They have no idea what kind of damage they are wreaking on their bodies.

"You've done a good job, I'm very pleased," I said to the-person-in-charge when they had finished.
"But now I'm going to give you a Grandmother Lecture." He looked at me as if I'd sprouted horns.

"My husband is in the house taking his afternoon nap, hooked up to an oxygen concentrator, because of cigarette smoking. He would love to be able to come out on this nice sunny day and work in our yard. But he can't. This is why we need your services. I would hate to see you years from now in his shoes. It's not fun."

He looked a little sheepish and for a moment I thought perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut. After all, I didn't really know him. But, I kind of like to look after all young people - as much as possible without putting my nose into their business.

"Funny you should say that. My girlfriend and I just had a discussion about my smoking, over the weekend. She really wants me to quit."

I smiled at him.
"Well then?"

Easter at Our House

2009-04-12T18:05:00.002-04:00

Gosh is this party ever borrrring!
Don't you think so, Owen?

Ewwwww - it smells like your diaper's leaking, Nathan!

Not mine! I thought it was yours!

Promise...

2009-04-10T17:31:00.005-04:00

I think these are lily bulbs, just coming up.

And these are my daffodils - a wee bit taller than last week.

My dahlia is growing. I overwintered the corm (or tuber) by wrapping it loosely in newspaper and keeping it in the garage. I am so pleased that it survived.

These Easter bunnies are gifts for the grandbabies. The two youngest are eleven weeks and six weeks.

Just like the promise of Spring bulbs coming to fruition, the babies in our family hold the promise of our future.

And, so you don't think I've forgotten the older grandchildren; the boys are getting soccer balls and shin pads. The younger children (aged 1, 2, and 3) I've bought finger paints and recycled paper to smear to their heart's content. My eldest granddaughter will receive real artist's tubes of paint with dollar store brushes.

Of course, I've sprinkled chocolate eggs into each gift bag - even the babies. Just a few, since I know the Easter Bunny will be visiting......

Update on Simon - he left the hospital on his birthday, later on in the afternoon. He's on the mend and I will be very happy to spend Easter and celebrate his birthday tomorrow!

Hope everyone has a Happy Easter and a fun weekend.

Happy Birthday Simon!

2009-04-07T08:00:00.001-04:00

Happy Third Birthday Grandbaby Simon!

This pic was taken when he was two. I can't find any newer pics at this moment (and I wanted to post this today - his birthday).

Simon is grandbaby #4. His little brother is Owen.

Yes, that is a hospital bracelet he is wearing. At that time, he was hospitalized (day surgery only) to have tubes put in his ears.

That was then.
This is now and unfortunately, Simon is spending his birthday in the hospital.

He became dehydrated after catching a nasty gastrointestinal virus. This bug seems to be making the rounds of schools, daycares, and playgroups.
On Sunday night, Simon was admitted to the Childrens' Hospital here in Montreal. They are keeping him until his electrolytes stabilize and he can keep fluids in his body (I'll spare you the yukky details).

We will plan to have a real birthday celebration for him at Easter, when he's back home again and can eat!

April Showers...

2009-04-04T19:24:00.002-04:00

....bring May flowers.
These daffodils are pushing their way up!
It won't be long now. It's raining cats and dogs today, and will be for most of the week.
I don't mind. There is nothing I can do to change the weather anyway.
And all this rain will wash the last bits of snow away.
Refreshing rain to cleanse our Earth.

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law a week after Baby Owen was born. As I sat in a comfortable chair, cradling Owen, my eyes were drawn to a pretty bouquet of spring flowers, gracing their dining room table.

Hmmm, I thought to myself, someone must have given Kathy flowers for this special occasion. Her mother? No, she's not that kind of a person. Her sisters? Naw, they're not either. A friend then. Must be a friend or a neighbour.

"Who gave you those lovely flowers?" I asked.
Son and Kathy (daughter-in-law) looked at each other, with something like amusement on their faces.

"You did, Mom!"
"Oh." (covering up as quick as I could) "but I thought those would be dead by now, and these look so fresh."

"It's only been a week, Mom."

Yikes! Of course I bought her those flowers. But, I didn't know if she'd even remember to bring them home from the hospital. There is always so much to bring back home again, not to mention a brand-new little person! Besides, some people give their flowers to the nurses, as a "thank-you", which would be perfectly all right with me.

Don't think I fooled either one of them. They probably think I'm losing it. {{sigh!}} are these "menopause moments" ever going to end?

Appreciation

2009-04-02T08:38:00.006-04:00

Appreeeee-sheeee-a-shun! Don't you just love the way that word rolls off your tongue?

I drew the appreciation card this morning:

"Appreciation is the secret to life. Become a person who appreciates and you will thrive; you will fulfill your reason for being."

I appreciate my flowers, and my camera to photograph them.

I appreciate my hot cup of coffee - every morning.

I appreciate my morning shower.

I appreciate the sun rise of a beautiful spring day. Today it will be 13 C! I think that's somewhere in the 50's F.

I appreciate my family and friends. And the blogging community.

Hope you all have a wonderful day. I appreciate having you in my life!

Snow Crystals & Sprouts

2009-03-29T13:57:00.006-04:00

Can you see crystals in the snow? Or diamonds. No, not the dirt; the sparkles. To get a better view, I took a handful and threw it against Grandfather Oak; the oldest and wisest tree in my backyard. I knew he wouldn't mind.

Taken from my back door onto the deck. You can see the snow has melted, forming a pathway through the surrounding hedge.

Here is a side view of the deck. No, not because the deck is special (it's very ordinary and will need another paint job this summer), but so you can see the rock garden slowly coming to life.

Up close to the house (facing south) where it's nice and warm, we find something sprouting! I don't remember what it is!

Here are the beginnings of spring tulips.

And a lonely little daffodil sprout. We still have a long way to go before our spring flowers burst into bloom, but they will!

Welcome back!

2009-03-27T19:33:00.002-04:00

The Canada geese are back! We say good-by to them in autumn with sadness, but welcome them back in spring with open arms.
O.K. maybe not open arms, (who wants a goose to fly into your arms?)but with joy! Spring is surely here.

We still have snow in the backyard, but it's melting with our warmer temps. March has been unbelievably sunny. Usually you can count on damp, rain, and wind for March. But not this year. That's the good news.

The bad news is: Hubby is sick with a virus of some sort. Four out of my 8 grandkids are sick with various viruses.

The good news is: viruses don't last forever.
Happy Spring once again to everybody.
Can't wait to get out in the garden.

Determination or...

2009-03-21T13:26:00.002-04:00

desperation! I was cleaning old dead leaves along with some remnants of snow from our rock garden this morning, when I came across these two little crocus, pushing their way up through the soil.
What a nice surprise! I had to rake up a chunk of snow before seeing these little gems. Goes to show that even under all that snow, the urge to grow and survive is strong.

I wanted to take more pics of the rock garden and back yard to show you how much more snow there is, but my camera batteries shut down!

Never mind. I am pleased to see my first crocus pushing its way up towards the sun.

And in my own journey, I am making preparations for that "get away" I've been wanting to do all winter. There have just been so many things in the way (hubby not feeling well, me feeling guilty, nobody to come and stay with him, etc. etc. etc.).

Well now it looks like things might just come into alignment and I will keep you posted as to my plans.

Have a good weekend everybody. We have sunshine (still cold, but I'll take the sun) and tomorrow is the St. Patrick's Day Parade here in Montreal.
No, I don't go, but others do and they have a wonderful time.

Today I saw...

2009-03-18T20:12:00.003-04:00

a red-winged blackbird! Not this one, this pic comes compliments of "google images". I was walking round the neighbourhood this morning. The sun was out and the air was nice and warm. We still have snowbanks all around, but they are fast receding. Coming to a muddy ditch, I stopped to watch the fast-moving, icy-looking water, as it ran downhill towards the village.

Then out of the blue, I heard the distinctive call of a red-winged blackbird.
It can't be! So early?
I whipped my head around to locate the bird.
And there it was, sitting on a branch very close to the mud.
I was so excited!

What's he doing so close to the mud?
Maybe the he is a she, and she's looking for bits of last summer's grass and squishy mud to build her nest.

Or maybe he/she is sitting patiently, waiting for an unsuspecting earth worm to stick it's head up out of the mud for a bit of air?
Or is it only robins who eat worms? Not sure.

I left Mr/Mrs. Red-winged blackbird to its muddy ditch and continued on my walk. I was filled with joy at yet another sign of spring. All around were the sounds of busy-ness. Twittering and scurrying as birds and little animals awaken to a new season. Bright sunshine warming my bare head. Snow that eagerly changes into swiftly rushing water. Is it Spring yet?

Smiling and happy, I reach the end of my street, where our post-boxes stand like soldiers by the side of the road. Reaching into my coat pocket, I grasp my set of keys and nonchalantly push the button.
Nothing happens.
I push again.
Oh no!

Quickly, I look around. Nobody has seen me.
Whew!
Fitting my key into the lock on my mailbox, I take out the day's mail.
I can't believe I just tried to open my mailbox with my car door opener!
And my car, of course is at home, sitting innocently in the garage.

Daffodil Sunday...

2009-03-15T09:00:00.000-04:00

and other tidbits....
Brought home some potted daffodils yesterday. I like to buy them when they're still closed. I set them on the kitchen table and .....

In the morning they had partially opened! How did they do that? Do they open overnight?

I took them off the table and put them on the kitchen counter, out of direct sunlight.

By afternoon they were fully open! As much as I love sunlight, it doesn't do well for taking pics. Washes the colours out.

Ooops - please excuse the mess on the counter.

And finally, here's a Grandma tidbit I thought I'd share with you:

Someone had brought chocolate for the grandchildren. I was babysitting for the evening to allow Dad to visit Mom in the hospital (baby Owen's birth).

"Enough chocolate!" I scolded grandson #2. "It's time to put it away." Grandson #2 (who was almost 8 years old), opened the refrigerator and promptly put the box of Lind* milk chocolate balls inside.

I was puzzled. "Ryan, why are you putting the chocolate in the fridge?"

"Because it says "milk", and milk belongs in the refrigerator."

Smiling Sky

2009-03-13T21:07:00.002-04:00

Somebody sent this pic to me via email.
It was called God is smiling or something like that.
I couldn't resist sharing with everybody.
It's beautiful! Wish I'd taken it.

I missed bloomin tuesday...

2009-03-11T12:30:00.005-04:00

...once again. I was going to show these pics of my poinsettia that decided to come back to life. I'd enjoyed it last Christmas (2007), put it out in the garden last summer (2008) and left it there. Last fall (2008) I took pity on it. It had survived all summer in a shady spot with the lily of the valley. I brought it back inside and by January this is what it looked like.
I was so excited to see red flowers - or leaves really, or bracts, I think. I've never had a poinsettia come back to life.
Well, this one is.
And it's continuing to produce red bracts or leaves or whatever they're really called.
I am so pleased. Doesn't matter if the season is wrong.

Now it's March and look how much it's growing! I wonder what it would be doing in it's native setting?

Food for thought. In the meantime, I'm enjoying my off-season poinsettia, while I wait for the spring flowers arrive.

How Old Are You Grandma?

2009-03-08T20:32:00.005-04:00

Saturday afternoon. Grandson #2 is officially turning 8! So I decided once again this year (yes I like doing this) to take him shopping for his birthday. This way he could choose his own gift and we could share a meal or snack. His older brother, Justin came too.

First stop was Chapters. There was a special book he had in mind with skeletons on the cover.
Hmmmmm - not too sure about this, but we'll see.

Unfortunately, he couldn't find this particular book. Since it was a Saturday afternoon and the bookstore was exceptionally busy, I elected not to ask the employees for help. Ryan's description of his book was rather vague anyway.

Our next stop was Toys-R-Us. It was rather busy here too, but I didn't mind. Ryan could browse to his heart's content. After a while he chose his gift and we left the store.

Eating lunch at MacDonalds (his birthday, his choice), Ryan turned to me and said "was D...... very old when you married him?"

"No, " I answered somewhat perplexed by this question. But then, dear hubby has been on oxygen for 7 years, so in Ryan's short lifetime, my hubby has always been sick. And therefore, old.

"He was about 51 or 52", I continued, knowing full well that anyone over 18 must be old to an 8-year-old.

"So how old were you when you married him?"
"About 43 or 44."

"And how long ago was that?"

At this point Ryan's older brother piped up and said "why don't you just ask her how old she is?"

Oh, so that's what it was. I wondered where all the mental gymnastics, the calculation of years married, etc. was leading to. Yes, why didn't he just come out and ask me? I'm not one of those who hide their age. I understand people who do, but I really don't care who knows how old I am. His mother must have told him it was rude to ask an older person his or her age.

"We've been married 13 years," I decided to continue on with the discussion.
"So, you're 54?"
"No...7."

"You're 70?"

I burst out laughing and so did the lady at the next table, who had obviously been eavesdropping.
All in all, I'd say we had a good time.

Looking through the years

2009-03-04T17:51:00.004-05:00

Monday afternoon, I was in the pool for my usual Aquafit class.
It was "cool down time" - the last few minutes of the session.
We held our "noodles" overhead gently swaying from side to side.
Stretching.
"Look over your left shoulder. Hold for few seconds. Now your right," intoned our teacher.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a group of school-aged children sitting quietly on chairs over by the deep-end. When did they come in? I didn't hear them. I wonder what they're doing here?

"Thank you everybody, and have a nice afternoon".
With a start I realized the class was over.
Good! Now I'll sneak in a few minutes of leisurely swim, while the elders meander towards the pool stairs. No point everybody clogging up the exit.

I was almost at the pool steps, when all of a sudden I heard great shrieks and splashes!
Those children who were so politely seated, waiting by the side of the pool were leaping into the deep-end with an abundance of enthusiasm! They all had flippers and flutter boards and noodles and goggles.

A huge grin lit up my face. It was so refreshing to see these bundles of energy letting loose and having fun. Looking around at my classmates, I noticed some smiling, others frowning.

Oh, the exuberance of youth. I watched for a few minutes, thoroughly enjoying the flailing arms and legs, unselfconsciousness, and playful energy that had taken possession of this group of schoolkids. In those last moments while us plumpish, crooked, elderly ladies were exiting the pool, some of the braver young souls had already swum to our side of the pool.

I looked at a young girl, her eyes distorted by a pair of swimming goggles. What does she see as she watches the slow progression of old ladies towards the locker room. Two "hip replacement" ladies walk with canes. A few others plod along; no rush. Some walk with an antalgic gait. All bodies are well worn with age.

Does she see her future?

Looking away from her, I let my eyes drift down to the end of the pool, where the mass of shrieking, jumping, splashing, youngsters were at play - totally soaking up the moment.
We were all young once. Back then our bodies were lithe and quick, just like these kids. We could dive and swim with total carefree abandon, as they were doing now.

Back and forth, back and forth, my eyes slid from the youngsters to the oldsters. An eerie feeling spread over me, as if I could erase Time.
Vivid memories of my own girlhood washed over me. My hair in pigtails, shorts and t-shirt, pedaling my bike down the street as fast as I could. Spending hours in the woods, picking flowers, climbing trees, picnicking. Skipping rope after school. Hopscotch. Hide-and-seek. Roller-skates, wearing the key on a string around my neck. Running to the corner store with my weekly allowance of 10 cents. 10 cents in those days bought a chocolate bar. Thinking I'd never be old.

Old? That was for grandmothers. That wouldn't be for years and years and years!
Well those years have come and gone.

And here I stand, dripping in my bathing suit, looking back down the years towards today's youth, enjoying their March break.

A flock of robins

2009-03-02T19:26:00.002-05:00

They're a little hard to see.
Robins hiding in the tree.

Zoomed in for a closer look.

But all you can see is this lump.

Almost looks like a toad sitting up in the branches.

And I so wanted to capture the unmistakable red breast that this robin is showing to whomever is across the street. Hmmmm.
I was so excited to see my first flock of robins. It's rare to see robins this early.

I had just finished visiting Owen and his mommy in the hospital. Was on my way to the car when I looked over at the side of a building and saw some birds pecking in a bare patch of earth.

As soon as I approached, off they flew - right up into the branches of some nearby trees.

My first thought was "darn, I don't have my camera." But of course I did! I had just finished taking pics of baby Owen.

Next camera I buy will have to have a stronger zoom.

Presenting..

2009-02-28T21:00:00.003-05:00

Baby Owen Sean
He's wide awake in Grandma Wendy's arms.
He weighed 6 lbs. 12 oz.

After the hospital visit, I went to Computer Son's home to look after Owen's brothers and sister. We ordered pizza and watched movies while Daddy was visiting Mommy and baby in hospital.

Tomorrow they'll be home. Hospital stays are short and sweet these days. They don't let you rest like we did way back when.
But then again, I think most mothers would rather be at home surrounded by their family (and not eating hospital food!)

Baby Boy Born!

2009-02-27T21:52:00.003-05:00

Finally, finally Owen Sean made his way into this world at 8:48 this evening.
I was just going to turn off the computer for the night, when the phone rang.
It was Computer Son.
Congrats, Mom - you're a gramma again!

Ooooooo, I could hear the little one crying in the background.
How much does he weigh?
Hasn't been weighed yet.

Wow - so he's just born?!
Yep.
Everybody well?
Yep.
Talk to you tomorrow. Kiss your wife and brandnew little son for us please.

Will post more details and pics later.

Can anyone identify?

2009-02-24T18:10:00.006-05:00

I know the pics are lousy. Taken through the window, even with the zoom, the pics are not clear.

But I didn't have anything to blog about.

This little bird is sooty black all along his back and creamy white along it's front. No other colours.

I "googled" black and white birds Canada and (as you can imagine) got a lot of stuff, but not the right stuff.

On another note - there are gremlins in bloggerville. I have tried leaving comments on some of your blogs, but it didn't work. Mainly the blogs with "letter verification". I also left a comment or two on my own blog, answering some of your kind comments.

Gone!

Where to?

No idea.

So I'll apologise to those of you who didn't receive my comments. Hopefully this will be fixed soon.

Update: No baby yet. Still waiting.

Grace is doing remarkably well. She's out of ICU, all the tubes and catheters removed and she's back to breast feeding. Truly a miracle!

If all continues on this way - she'll be discharged home in another day of two. Can you imagine being discharged from hospital after heart surgery in 4 or 5 days? Blows my mind. I guess little bodies heal fast.

Good News and waiting...

2009-02-21T20:40:00.004-05:00

Hubby's little granddaughter underwent an operation on her heart today.

We waited all day for the news. Finally Hubby's Younger Son called with the good news that the operation was a success. Little Grace will now begin to heal. At just three months old, this was a rather traumatic way to begin her life.

We are still waiting for littlest grandson to arrive. Mother is frustrated. Contractions come and go. She has been to hospital once and sent home. This is baby number 5. You'd think her body would know how to do this by now.

It's cold and windy these February days, but the strong, bright sun is encouraging.
Hubby's strength is returning. He is coming out of his "down cycle". It is so good to see his energy returning; as if his spirit had been lost, wandering in the woods. Now he's found his way back home again.
For how long?
We never know.
But we will celebrate his return.

Finding the balance

2009-02-16T19:37:00.006-05:00

This weekend was special.
I bought a dozen red roses for "us" to celebrate.
We ate shrimp and chocolate (not at the same time).
We said "I love you" and talked about how lucky we are to have each other.

I remember hearing people say:
"Cherish the time you have together. Have no regrets at the end. Do whatever it takes to make your loved one feel loved and comfortable."

I have a feeling this will be his last Valentine's Day.
I may be wrong. I've been wrong before.
But Hubby's been so weak and tired lately.

We talked about the good old days when we were both younger and stronger. How we worked and traveled and enjoyed life thoroughly, thinking it would be like that forever.

"Sometimes," says Hubby sitting on the edge of our bed, "in those hazy moments before waking up, I totally forget I have COPD. Just for one quick moment, I think I can jump out of bed - the way I used to. Then I remember (he tugs at the oxygen cannula in his nose) and my heart sinks to the bottom of my feet."

I turn my head so Hubby doesn't see how quickly my eyes fill up with tears. What must it feel like to live with a sick body? Day after day, tethered to an oxygen hose. Wondering if you can make it across the room; up the stairs; to the bathroom. Knowing that time is running out. It must take a really strong person to live like this without going crazy.

This afternoon I jump in the pool, grateful that I can. Grateful I can swim with my friends. Grateful I can sit with my daughter and drink coffee, while I cuddle my new little grandson.
"Gramma! Put Nafan down!" commands little Jasmine.
At 2 years old, she still wants to be picked up. She wants me to play with her - not baby Nathan. So I scoop her up in my arms and dance around the house - grateful.... once again.

When I get back home, Hubby is sleeping.
I suffer a moment or two of guilty panic.
Until I check his breathing - and find he's o.k.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

2009-02-13T21:09:00.002-05:00

I hope everyone has a wonderful day filled with love and hugs.
I've been feeling a little under the weather, so will catch up later on.
Have a nice weekend.

It's Bloomin' Tuesday!

2009-02-10T14:32:00.002-05:00

Over at Jean's Blog "MsGreen Thumb"

Here are some mini-yellow daffodils and the beginning of some cheery red tulips..... thinking of peeking out.

Here is a better pic of the tulips - just beginning to open.

Yes! They're fully open and do brighten up my kitchen!
So there you have it. Just a few flowers bloomin' in my house.

Thank you bloggers for presenting me with.....

2009-02-07T19:50:00.006-05:00

Two Awards!

Ernie over at The Empty Nester has kindly and generously given me this Angel Award. I would like to follow her example and pass this on to anybody who would like it. It's so hard to make a choice out of all the deserving and wonderful bloggers out there.........so this is for everybody.

Sue over at White Lilly presented me with this Lovely Blog Award too! A big hug and a thank you, Sue. Once again, it is too difficult to choose any one or more bloggers who deserve this. I think everybody does.

Thank you Ernie and Sue for your thoughtfulness.
Happy Blogging everyone!

Does your mood....

2009-02-05T20:09:00.004-05:00

......really have anything to do with how your day goes?

Yesterday, I was in a bad mood. Nothing felt right. The old expression "you woke up on the wrong side of the bed" seemed to sum up my cranky self.
It started with Morning Pages. Nothing I wrote made any sense.
Fine. Forget writing.
Maybe I should just forget the whole computer thing for today too.
Fine. No email, no blogging, no nothing.

Decided I might as well run a bunch of errands and get out of the house. Did I really need that pack of sponges at Home Hardware?
No.
Or the spiral notebooks on special at the drugstore?
No.

Hubby had asked me to pick up an audiobook for him at the public library. Maybe I would also find a good book to curl up with in the evening. Something to soothe my frazzled nerves.

Checked out the "new books" first. Nothing.
Went to the audiobook section. Couldn't find Hubby's book. Looked everywhere. Asked the librarian. She couldn't find it either.
Strange.....
Back to the regular book section. Spend nearly an hour searching for a suitable book. Everything seemed wrong. Too romancy, too historical, too boring, I've probably read this, I don't like the cover, I don't like the title.
Finally I settled on a book with a fuschia-pink flower on the cover. This story was set in the jungle. Oooooooo!
And "just-in-case", I chose another one - an old Irish novel.

After supper I settled in with my exotic-looking jungle book.
It sucked. The author was trying too hard; giving away everything from the first chapter. Yawn!

Good thing I got the "just-in-case" book .
The first few pages started off just fine. Until........they found the body. O.K. - maybe not so bad. I like murder mysteries (as long as it's not too descriptive). They found the body in a tree........chained to the branches.....the birds had poked out his ..........never mind. I put both books away. To be returned. As soon as possible!

Today, I woke up on the "right side of bed". I had planned to visit my daughter and help out with the new baby.
I had a wonderful day. Little Nathan is doing well. Got my "baby fix" as Hubby says.
Jasmine and I got Mommy's clean clothes out of the dryer, brought them upstairs and then smooshed them all about on the living-room couch, playing peek-a-b00 with the tea towels instead of folding them.

On my way home I stopped in at the library. I returned those horrible books and just quickly scanned the "new book" section.... "just-in-case" I found something good. Well, didn't I find a brand new book by a favourite author of mine? Right there waiting for me!
Encouraged, I went over to the audiobook section "just-in-case" I'd find the audiobook Hubby had asked me for yesterday.

Well, well - there it was! Staring me in the face as if to say "naw naw - I was here all along!"

I must have spent a total of 5 minutes in the library today, coming away with the perfect books, whereas yesterday it was almost an hour - of wasted time.
Was it my mood... my energy?
Or coincidence?
I wonder.

Happy.........

2009-02-02T13:29:00.003-05:00

Groundhog Day, Happy Imbolc, Happy Flower day!
I bought some tiny yellow daffodils at the grocery store today. I went with the intention of buying a pot roast. The roasts were kind of pricey and I didn't like the look of what was available, so I spent my money on spring flowers instead. There are tulips in that arrangement, but they've yet to bloom.
Remember the green pottery bowl I just had to buy? The one with swirls and little fishes swimming inside ? It's now providing a base for a green tropical plant.
Darn! I got the microwave in the pic.
Will try again.

That's better. If I could only erase the wall phone.

And this is a disaster! These were my grape hyacinth bulbs I bought on sale and potted up several weeks ago.

Like a mother hen I watched and waited for the first sprout to come alive. Yes! Several more followed suit. Oh, I was going to have such lovely flowers.

Patiently I watched the sprouts turn into long green stems. That grew and grew and grew. Finally, I realized that that's all I was ever gonna get. No flowers.

Now I realize it's because bulbs need a cool period before "forcing". And I had bought them from the gardening section of Walmart. They were supposed to have been planted in the fall. Not forced indoors.

Never mind - I enjoyed the green foliage anyway.

Decisions, decisions

2009-01-31T17:51:00.002-05:00

Thursday afternoon I arrived back home from a quick trip to the library to find a telephone message waiting for me (Hubby was having his nap).

"This is the Home Care nurse. I will be coming tomorrow morning (Friday) to draw your husband's blood sometime between 8:00 and 9:00. He must be fasting. Oh, and I need a urine sample."

Oh, really? How convenient. Thanks for all the notice. There was no way of reaching this nurse to try and reschedule since it was after 4:00 pm and she had gone home.

These blood tests were just routine, so could be done anytime. The important thing was, I had booked a nail appointment for 9:00 the next morning (Friday).
Hmmmmm should I cancel my appointment? I could, but I don't feel right about cancelling at the last minute. Besides, I had 2 broken nails and really really wanted them fixed.

Could Hubby manage alone?
Why not? There is nothing for him to do but sit at the kitchen table and wait for the nurse. She could ring the doorbell and walk in. Do I really have to be there?
Or, with any luck, the nurse would arrive before I had to leave - then there wouldn't be a problem.

Nope - didn't happen.

The next morning, I taped a note on the front door instructing her to ring and walk in. It would take too long for hubby to walk across the room and answer the door. She might think nobody was home and leave.

I left dear hungry hubby (actually it was the early morning coffee he was longing for, not the food) sitting forlornly at the kitchen table. He wasn't upset that I was leaving - he'd encouraged me to go.

"I can certainly manage this on my own!" he said rather indignantly.
But I know it's hard for him to be on his own. Without me. Even for a little while. Especially with a "stranger" coming into the house.

How long would he have to wait (without nourishment) before the nurse arrived? Would he pass out alone in the kitchen? Would she be kind or impatient? Would she be skilled at drawing blood - or inexperienced? Would she remember to properly shut the front door after leaving? Or expect Hubby to make the trip from the kitchen to the front of the house, tiring him out unnecessarily. Would she be sensitive to Hubby's needs - his slowness of movement, his breathless speech, his need for his portable oxygen tank functioning at the same time as his oxygen concentrator?

All for the sake of getting a manicure? Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? How selfish! Guilty thoughts swirled around in my head as I drove to the salon, but as I pushed those aside, a teeny tiny voice of reason crept in and told me that I need some time too. My needs are important too, no matter how trivial they seem. I can't stop living because Hubby has COPD. He is at home. He is safe.

Calling home mid-morning I asked Hubby how it went.
"I waited until 9:00. The nurse hadn't arrived. So I had my coffee anyway."
"You did?"
"Well yes, I couldn't wait forever! And then around 20 minutes later somebody from Home Care called to tell me that the nurse was sick. They'd have to re-book."

Although Hubby will have to go through the whole "fasting for 12 hours" routine another day, I'm glad I listened to the teeny, tiny voice in my head and didn't cancel my plans for the day.

Diamonds in the Snow

2009-01-29T21:32:00.006-05:00

If you look closely you can see bits of faerie dust..........

Or, they might be diamonds sparkling in the snow!

I think with an upgrade, or a more sensitive camera, the "diamonds" would be easier to see.

Couldn't let a post go by without a pic of flowers.
My kitchen hyacinth just beginning to bloom.
Sweet!

Trails in the snow

2009-01-26T19:32:00.002-05:00

Snow is too deep for me to wade out into, so this was taken from my kitchen window - you can barely see the animal trails.
There's a much better view from my bedroom window (2 stories high). But it was too high up to take any good pics. From there I could see patterns of animal tracks in the snow. Each set of tracks weaving a story of the animal's journey:

Sometime during the night a raccoon, ambles his way from my neighbour's shed to the east corner of our house. He stays close to the walls for warmth then cuts across our back deck (probably on the lookout for left-over birdseed), before continuing on through the snow.

Squirrels scamper from tree to tree, like the tracks in the picture above. Except you can only see one tree - then the tracks curve around towards the hedge. A perfect place to play hide-and-seek! And do those squirrels like to play!

Rabbits hop out from beneath the warmth of a burrow,(presumably at night since I don't see them) at the bottom of our property, where our shed gives some protection from the extreme cold and wind. They hop into the hedge, then back out, across the snow-covered lawn, around a tree, towards the house, wherever their particular journey takes them.

Back downstairs in my kitchen (since I couldn't take really good pics of those animal tracks) I console myself with taking this late-blooming amaryllis. Late because I bought it on sale after the Christmas season was done. So it got a late start - but I'll take it anyway!

Happy Birthday Jasmine

2009-01-24T20:16:00.004-05:00

Happy Birthday Jasmine. She's two years old today.
Where has the time flown!

And here's Grandma Wendy with baby Nathan.

He slept all through the party!

Happy Birthday Baby Nathan!

2009-01-20T18:20:00.003-05:00

Baby Nathan Thomas arrived safely into this world at 10:18 this morning, via C-section.

He is a little fellow weighing just 5 lbs. and 10 oz.
Mommy and baby are doing well.
Daddy is over the moon.
Grandma Wendy and Jasmine spend the day playing dolls, playdoh, "little people", farmhouse, listening to music and NOT napping.
We jumped on the bed instead (well, Jasmine did - not Grandma Wendy)!

A heartfelt Thank You to everybody who kept us in your thoughts and prayers.

How Cold Was It??

2009-01-18T12:36:00.006-05:00

Ha! Caught you! On camera, that is (and through the window too).
"What kind of a feeder is this?"
"Who cares as long as there are sunflower seeds to eat!"
"Wonder what happened to the other feeder?"

Naughty squirrels gnawed through the wood, trying to get to the seeds.

This part is almost totally off.

Will have to buy a stronger bird feeder, maybe a metal one.

But I like the look and feel of natural wood so much better.

How Cold Was It??

The corner of our patio doors.
Ice and frost build-up inside the house.

Here too. Where the wall corner meets the fireplace hearth.

Brrrrrrr.

But, things are warming up today. It's minus 11 Celsius or about

plus 10 Fahrenheit. We're coming out of the cold.

How are you doing?

Living in Joy

2009-01-16T11:57:00.012-05:00

So This is Wonderland did a post on Joy.

The essence of her post was that there are two primary emotions that rule our lives. Love and Fear. We choose which one to live by.

When we are angry, anxious, resentful, insecure or worried, we are living in fear and have left love behind. In other words that which is fear cannot be love and that which is love cannot be fear.

To live in love is to embrace life, to make the most of every moment and strive for your dreams. To live in fear is to stop living, stop growing, and stop moving towards your dreams. To live in love is to live in Joy.

My paperwhites beginning to open.

It's obvious in our natural world that flowers choose joy. Have you ever seen a fearful flower?

I was very concerned about my daughter's pregnancy. She is high risk and at her last ultrasound the baby was only 4 lbs. Too little to be born. They were to wait another 4 weeks and re-do the ultrasound. Yesterday was the day.

If the baby had not grown, then my daughter would have to have a C-section done. Baby would be taken to the Neonatal ICU and kept there until he was big enough to be discharged home.

I had visions (nightmares really) of my daughter running from hospital to breastfeed and look after her new-born premie, and then back home to look after her almost 2-year old daughter.

Hard enough, but with Jasmine's medical problems, and this horrible cold weather, it would have been very stressful. I could help some, but I need to stay home with Hubby.

Well, we had good news yesterday.

The ultrasound revealed an almost 6 lbs baby. Good news. He is almost ready to be born. Today is the doctor's visit. We will have more information then.

It's time I stopped choosing fear. I need to take a lesson from my flowers and choose Joy.

* * * * * *

Update on baby Nathan: He will be coming into this world on Tuesday, January 20th. Please hold him in your hearts for a smooth arrival. Thank you everyone.

Seasonal Shopping

2009-01-14T15:58:00.007-05:00

Remember this?

This was the electric snowshovel I wanted to buy, way back in November. It was on special at Walmart, but there were none to be found.

So, of course I had to have it.

I called all the Walmart stores in my area. And then I went further afield. But all to no avail. None in stock. Nowhere.

"Back-ordered, m'am." was all I heard.

So we hired a young fellow to shovel our front walk. He worked out for a bit then stopped coming.

After a bit of searching, we found somebody else. A really reliable young man. Works well. Reasonable rates. A good fit!

Yesterday, I was shopping in Walmart (no I don't live there, it's just that whenever I go, I always have a story to tell). Heading for the plant department (no, really? Not me), I happened to pass the "seasonals". And guess what I saw?

Electric snowshovels - lots and lots of them. The same model I had wanted earlier on in the winter.

When did they arrive?

Who cares. I stuck my nose in the air and walked away.

Meandering over to the jewellery section, I spotted a Star necklace that looked something like this.

I had seen it on sale just after Christmas, but didn't buy it. It was in the childrens' section and I thought that maybe a little girl would want it. It was the last one. How could I buy it? There were plenty of other styles: hearts, keys, animal shapes, but only one Star.

It was still here. And still 50% off. So I picked it up and put it in my basket.
I always go through the "self-scan" cashes. Scanned the tea towels, the fabric softener, coffee filters - everything scanned correctly. The Star necklace scanned at regular price ($10.00).
So I called the cashier over.
"This scanned incorrectly." I told her. "It's supposed to be half price."
"Oh, you're wrong - not this one."
"Oh, please! These have been on sale since after Christmas."
"Well, I'll have to go check."

She came back a couple of minutes later.
"You're right."
I held back a self-satisfied, smug smile and tried to look polite.
Zip, zip, zip, she punched in a couple of codes.
"Our mistake - you get it for free."

Now, that's the kind of shopping I like!

Inspiration

2009-01-12T19:56:00.003-05:00

A tribute to my Great-Aunt Loukie. This spunky lady has successfully undergone surgery for breast cancer. At the ripe old age of 85!
To make matters worse, she also has congestive heart failure.

But, she got all her Christmas mail out on time. And organized things at home for when she would be in hospital.

One of the things she did was to get Life Line for her husband, who would be staying home alone. He is also 85 and suffered a series of mild strokes last year at this time. She then became his caregiver.

I was inspired by her actions. My great aunt Loukie did what needed to be done. I could do the same (and did - previous post).

Last year's poinsettia sits on my dining room windowsill. It lasted all through the long winter, spring and once summer came around, I put it in the garden and forgot about it. I'm surprised it didn't die. Don't think I watered it.

By fall, I took pity on it and brought it into the house. It's lovely red flowers (leaves really) had dropped off.

I remember my mother trying to bring back Christmas poinsettias by putting them in a dark closet for 12 hours and then in daylight for 12 hours. I don't think it ever worked for her. It never worked for me.

But this one is different. It's leaves are beginning to turn red, and soon will look like flowers.
I don't care whether the Christmas season is over. I don't care that it looks scraggly. This little plant has found inspiration.... and so have I.

Things that draw us..

2009-01-10T17:24:00.006-05:00

Cheryl at Wildlife Sanctuary wrote about Temptation. She gave me the idea for this post. I was in a second-hand shop one nice summer day. My friends and I had just finished a tai chi class and nobody really wanted to go home. So we chatted over coffee for a while.

Finally, it was time to get moving, but one of the ladies suggested we stop in at this shop.
I really didn't want to. I had no desire to buy more "dust collectors". I have so much stuff at home.....
That's when this swirly green bowl caught my eye.
It pulled at me.

I ignored it.
It pulled at me.
I still ignored it.
What do you actually do with this?
Hmmm, I wouldn't get it all messy with salad or cookie dough; so it must just sit there.
Well, what's the point of that?

Then I looked inside and saw...
a couple of fishes.

How creative! I wonder what message that person was trying to give as he/she crafted this bowl.

Ooooooo - and that lovely peach-coloured swirl. What depths was this person trying to capture?

The more I told myself I didn't need this, the more this bowl called out to me.

So I gave in and bought it.

Grow where you're planted

2009-01-08T14:08:00.005-05:00

Paperwhites on the left. Grape hyacinths in the middle.
And an amaryllis on the right.

Each one of us grows at a different rate.

We are finally getting some home nursing services.

I say finally, because we never thought we'd need home care.

After all - we can look after ourselves, can't we?

Ahh - but the time has come for me to break open my cocoon - just a crack. I need to see that there still is an outside world. I need to see the ocean.

Hubby cannot stay alone. But I have needs too. And people who also need me.

So now we're in the process of setting up Life Line. And other emergency services for times when I'm not home and the power goes off. Or hubby falls ill.

I think I'm also growing a little.

Childhood Cancer Awareness

2009-01-06T21:23:00.007-05:00

Mary at Mom2-2goodboys has done a post on childhood cancer.

The daughter of a friend of hers has had a relapse of her cancer (ewing sarcoma).

They thought she was cured. But it's back.

Little Ingrid will have to start chemotherapy all over again.

There is a petition to sign, sponsered by People Against Childhood Cancer and CureSearch. Their goal is 1,000,000 signatures.

January... for the birds!

2009-01-04T17:30:00.006-05:00

Here are my January babies. I bought some grape hyacinth bulbs at walmart. They were half price - left overs from fall planting. I didn't know if they'd sprout, but thought I had nothing to lose.

As you can see, after a week or so in a sunny window, they are growing!

Can you spot the chickadee? Hmmmm, I'm not too good at this.

What happens if I press the "zoom" button. Ah - that's better!

Actually I took about 6 pics of .......the bird feeder.

Chickadees had flown away. These are the only 2 where you can see the bird.

They move so quickly - I'll need lots of practice to capture these sweet little darlings.

Happy New Year Everybody!

2008-12-31T15:44:00.002-05:00

A light to shine through the darkness.
A light to guide us home.

May this new year bring much happiness, joy and love to all.

My Gift to You

2008-12-27T17:00:00.007-05:00

Happy Holidays everyone!

Winter Solstice

2008-12-21T13:32:00.002-05:00

The longest, darkest night of the year.

The shortest day of the year.

From now on, the days become longer.

Yippeee - I will celebrate.

The longest night of the year was always greeted with a feast; singing, dancing and much drinking. In ancient times, this was their way of enticing the Sun to come back; ensuring that it would continue to rise in the morning, set in the evening and bring life to the world for another year.

Gradually it became a celebration of of the sun's return, a festival of thankfulness that the cycle of seasons would carry on through another year.

Evergreen plants were all that grew at this time of year, and so came to be revered as a symbol that life could survive the winter.

Holly with its prickly leaves and cheerful red berries represented protection from evil spirits, and was used to decorate walls and doors.

Mistletoe was a sacred plant and may have been distributed to each family by Druids to hang in their homes for protection.

I have evergreens in my yard. A tree in my home decorated for Christmas or Yule. I will light my candles as soon as it is dark and give thanks that the sun's light will become stronger - each day a little bit longer.

Christmas is coming......

2008-12-18T20:44:00.004-05:00

Father Oak is waking up from his deep sleep.
Once a year he comes to life on Christmas Eve.
If you listen closely, he has secrets to share.

Little elves are busy getting the house ready for Christmas.

I wonder if this little red bird has been eating all my sunflower seeds.

What's happening at your house?

World Treasure Party at Ceilo's!

2008-12-14T13:26:00.003-05:00

Thank you Cielo for hosting the World of Treasures Party today!

My treasures are my plants. They are my passion whether indoor or outdoor.

And this little elf found his way into one of them.

I've had this elf Christmas tree ornament since I was a little girl. Each Christmas my 2 brothers and I hung our special elves on the tree. Mine was red. The other two were green and white.

This is the only ornament to survive childhood, adulthood and two marriages. I'd say he was magic!

Enjoy the Treasure Party everyone!

Somewhere in the world it's summer

2008-12-12T20:26:00.002-05:00

This hibiscus vase comes compliments of Bob Rivers-Smith in New Zealand. I belong to the Canadian Hibiscus Society. An online group, we exchange growing tips and tricks and send pics back and forth of our beloved hibiscus flowers.

Since it's winter in this part of the land, we Canadians are not sending many pics. Some people send pics of their indoor hibs, but most of them are resting now until February or March when the light is longer and brighter.

There are a few members who live South and I, for one, am very grateful that they send pics of their prize hibs to cheer us up. The above Vase was made as a table display.

Update on the front walk: One of the pics in the slide show (last post) was taken from inside my front door, where I tried to show everyone that the walk was finally shoveled. I must admit, it was a little hard to see, since practically everything was covered in white powdery snow.

We asked our lawn service if they knew of somebody who shovelled walks (for a reasonable rate). They put us in touch with a young fellow who will come for the heavier snowfalls. I will shovel the lighter ones.

The electric snowshovel I wanted is still backordered. Will probably have them in abundance in June. LOL!
The others were either too big and expensive, or too small and useless-looking. So, I've given up on that idea for the time being.

Keep warm everybody.

It's really winter here!

2008-12-10T19:27:00.001-05:00

Dancing Babies

2008-12-09T15:09:00.006-05:00

Click on the link below to see my dancing grandbabies.
You don't have to press anything else.

Do not press "download".
Just wait - it may take a few minutes - and then you will see the "show". Jasmine has a lollipop in her mouth - if you're wondering.

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/Zwg6QenbxHEhLUGAO4zc

Christmas Traditions

2008-12-06T21:23:00.002-05:00

Every year my mother and my grandmother would exchange Christmas Cakes.
Each November as far back as I can remember, my mother would buy candied cherries, fruit peel, almonds, raisins, and whatever other ingredients she needed to bake her Christmas cakes.

She followed an old recipe, carefully measuring all the ingredients into the biggest mixing bowl in the kitchen. The batter was golden with sugar, butter, eggs and flour. Mom's cakes were "light fruit cakes".

As was the tradition at that time, we children were called into the kitchen one by one to stir the batter. Each of us took a turn with the big wooden spoon stirring the cake batter - for good luck. My mother was from Holland, so this might have been a European tradition - I don't know.

Mom had very old baking tins which came apart for washing. These pans weren't greased with butter wrappers, but lined with some kind of brown paper. Then the cakes were put into a very low oven to bake.

Once cooled, Mom would wrap them in cheesecloth soaked in sherry and put them away until Christmas.

Every December the mailman brought dozens of Christmas cards to our home. There were oodles of cards from friends and family. It was such an exciting time of year! Packages would arrive and Mom would whisk them away upstairs to her bedroom and close the door. We were not allowed to peek!

But when Granny's Christmas cakes arrived, they were opened right away. After travelling half way across the country, they deserved to be opened and enjoyed. And were they delicious!

Those cakes were "dark fruit cakes", made with molasses and lots of nuts. I secretly liked them best.

I went to look for my mother's Christmas cake recipe this year and I couldn't find it. Will have to do some research on the net and see if I can find an old-fashioned cake like Mom's.

What about you? Do you have memories of Christmas traditions?

I won some Weleda Body Wash!

2008-12-04T16:15:00.003-05:00

Yippeeeeeeee! I won a travel size sample of Weleda Body Wash from Allie over at Allie's Answers.

Allie mailed it out to me a week or ago. Yesterday when I went to the mailbox, there it was. Thank you Allie for mailing it all the way up here to me in Canada.
Inside the package were 2 sample sizes of Sea Buckthorn Creamy Body Wash, to revitalise and nourish the skin. It smelled faintly of oranges and felt silky smooth. Ummmmm. Nice way to start the day.

Allie has a "green blog" chock full of information on our environment, from baby bottle woes to rain forest awareness. She recommends stainless steel water bottles, organic coffee, and natural beauty guides as Christmas gifts. Oh, and don't forget to re-use your Christmas gift wrap, as well as making turkey soup from the left-over turkey bones.

Sensible tips to take us back to basics, preserve our environment and save a little money too. Reminds me of growing up, when Mom would grease her cookie sheets with "butter paper" instead of throwing the wrapper in the garbage. Or tearing kleenex tissues in half if we only had a little bit of a drippy nose. No sense in wasting a whole tissue if you only need half.

Mom cut up brown paper grocery bags to use as book covers for our school text books. And she sewed curtains and dresses for us.
But I'm getting way off track.

A condition of winning the Weleda Body Wash, I was to tell people about Allie's friend Neil, who is raising money for the Cambodian Childrens Fund.

Neil is a professional writer, editor and yoga teacher, who is putting his skills to work to raise money to end extreme poverty in Cambodia.

Such a worthy cause. He's got my support.

Electric shovels or Snow Throwers

2008-11-30T20:28:00.005-05:00

Hi All - these are electric shovels or snow throwers. I think snow throwers is the "newest" name. They are really mini snowblowers.

This is the size that we'll most likely need. It's strong, but small and you can see by the shute at the top that it blows the snow on either side of the walk (or area to be cleared)

This smaller one is probably useless. Costs about a hundred dollars that I'd rather spend on beauty cream or motorized mascara (please see Mary's blog), or a bunch of good books or exotic summer sandals or just about anything else.

They both need a long exterior electric cord to plug into an outer wall outlet. You just push the starter and - presto! The motor starts up and hopefully blows or pushes the snow as you walk. I say hopefully, because I've read the reviews of people who have bought this particular snowthrower (this one's called Snow Joe, but there are other name brands), and some of them said the wet, heavy snow gets stuck in the blades and it conks out. Oh, great! I spend $200 - $250 on a machine that won't work. Or gets fussy. Other people say it works just fine in all kinds of snow. So, we'll see. I still have more research to do.

Thank you everybody for all of your good ideas. Our driveway contractor will not get out of his huge machine (like the road snowblowers - almost), to shovel anyone's walk. His huge tractor simply cannot do walks. So he's no help. We have asked him in the past to recommend someone. No dice.

We had the kid who cut our grass, shovel our walk for a year or two at $5.oo a pop. Worked out very well - but- you know how it is with kids - they move on to bigger and better things.

I hadn't thought to check out the local high school. That sounds like a really good solution.

Except at this point, I'm looking forward to keeping some of my independence by buying this beastly contraption and doing my own walk. I really hate relying on others to do things I should be able to do.

Not that I ever had to shovel a walk before - I always had a healthy husband and 2 strong boys to do that kind of work.

Will keep everybody posted. I'm off to my aqua fit class this afternoon, so no shopping trips today.

Shopping

2008-11-29T20:17:00.003-05:00

I went shopping today for a snowblower. Well not a full-blown snowblower. An electric shovel.

We had a strong young fellow shoveling our walk for the last two winters.
It cost $140.00 for the winter.
Not bad. Money well spent.

"You'd better give him a call to make sure he's still shoveling this year." Hubby advised me.
I called him.
An answering machine came on, so I left a message.

Two weeks went by.
"Call him again," suggested Hubby.
"No. I left him a message. I'm not calling back."
"But what if he didn't get it? At least try again to see if it's his voice on the answering machine."

Called again. A generic voice. Could be his home, or it could be he's moved.

"Last year he didn't call us back, but showed up the first time it snowed, remember?" I said to Hubby.
"I still think you should call him back and leave another message."
"Oh, he'll show up." I assured Hubby.

That night we had our first real snowfall. Early the next morning, I looked out the front window to see our driveway contractor zooming into our driveway. He looked as happy as a little kid, driving his snowplow. I think his radio was on full blast, since he was bouncing around in his cab. In a matter of minutes he had cleaned our driveway and zipped across the street to the neighbour's.

"Where's our walk-shoveling guy?" Hubby was getting anxious.
"Don't worry, he'll show up." I figured he was at school and would show up towards evening.
He didn't.
I called back and put another message on his machine.
He still didn't show up.

Hmmm. I went outside and tried a bit of shoveling, but the snow was wet and heavy. It wasn't long before my shoulders and back began to ache. Meanwhile Hubby searched the ads in the local newspaper. Nobody was shoveling snow. Considering how much snow we had last year, no wonder!
I thought I'd try calling the town hall to see if they could recommend anybody. Nope. Nobody.

Hubby was totally frustrated at not being able to do the work. And upset that I should try and lift wet, heavy snow and risk straining or injuring myself.

"It's not the end of the world" (one of my favourite expressions), "I'll look for an electric shovel."
"A what?"
"An electric shovel. Why? Are they obsolete?"
I remember my mother using one to clear their front walk when my Dad could no longer shovel snow. That was about 30 years ago.

So off I went to the local hardware store. No, they didn't have any.
Figured I might as well check out the Mall.
And came home with:
2 packages of pot pourri
1 bottle of Vitamin E (for my skin)
2 bottles of body lotion (on sale - 2 for the price of 1)
1 tube of Olay facial cleanser (also on sale)
2 T-shirts for Hubby (not that he needs any, but they were on sale too) Stocking stuffers for the grandkids.

No electric shovel. They are on back order.
At least I know they still exist.
And hope when I find one that it doesn't come in a box all in pieces......

What to blog about?

2008-11-23T18:49:00.002-05:00

Gardens are finished. And this is not a gardening blog.
But gardening is so much fun - and I love posting pics of well.....nature.
Flowers and leaves and even spider's webs.

Hubby is ensconced in his favourite chair watching the Grey Cup Football game.
His life these days consists of reading books and watching sports programmes on T.V. As our weather turns colder and we look towards winter, Hubby will not be going out at all.

I'd go crazy if I couldn't get out every day. Even just to pick up food at the grocery store. I need to move, to get out, to see people.

Hubby is handling things well. I'm not.
I had a meltdown the other day.
Hubby was reading me pertinent bits of news from the business section of the newspaper.
And we all know what kind of news the financial world is reporting.
Will we survive? Will all of us baby boomers have to go back to work?

I am worried about my daughter. She is pregnant with her second child, due in February. And she is struggling with edema. Her body is retaining fluid. Her ob/gyn is sending her to a "high risk" specialist. Hopefully things will be o.k. It's the word "high risk" that scares me.

So with red and puffy eyes I got into the car and drove to Walmart.
Walmart! Who would have thought I'd be seeking comfort in Walmart!!
Mingling with smiling people out for an afternoon's shopping, checking out the baby department (that always cheers me up), buying (and eating) chocolate, and looking for stocking stuffers for the grandkids lifted my spirits.

Tonight as Hubby sits in front of the T.V. set, engrossed in his football game, I am sipping a glass of after-dinner red wine.
I now feel more relaxed and can focus on how grateful we are to have each other, our warm home and loving families close by.

Most of my American friends will be busily preparing for the upcoming Thanksgiving Holiday. So, I'll pop over and visit your blogs tonight. Guaranteed to lighten my mood and bring a smile to my face.

November is National COPD Awareness Month

2008-11-15T20:05:00.003-05:00

Sponsored by the U.S. COPD Coalition, November is a time for organizations and communities across the country to increase overall awareness of COPD.

Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease is a destructive lung condition that, over time, makes it extremely hard to breathe. As you can imagine, a person suffering from COPD, will eventually become seriously disabled.

Did you know that COPD is the fourth leading cause of death in the United States today? The disease kills more than 120,000 Americans each year. And the numbers are increasing.

You can read about it here: COPD Awareness

On a lighter note - Hubby is doing well these days.
There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason. So we don't bother looking anymore.
The weather is lousy. Rainy and cold. Usually that's when Hubby feels drained and tired. And we blame the weather.

He's had ups and downs lately, but despite the weather, seems to have regained some of his energy. That's good news and I am treasuring these moments.

The rainy weather pushed me to do some much needed cleaning. I pulled books off shelves, dusting and polishing.
Came across a photo album of our Very First Trip. As I looked at the pics of us 12 or 13 years ago, (playful and happy on a beach in the Caribbean) a strange feeling came over me. It was a feeling of disconnection.
There's Carefree Hubby relaxing on a beach chair in the sand, all by himself. Or Smiling Hubby waving at the camera from the swimming pool.

It's hard to explain. For the past few years, I have gotten used to Hubby being hooked up to his oxygen concentrator. He's either sitting in a chair bundled up in sweaters and long pants (even in summer) or slowly making his way across the room, hunched over with the weight of his tank.

I can barely remember him living a normal life: sitting half-naked on the beach, swimming blithely in the ocean, or sneaking sips of wine from our cooler (beach rules - no alcohol!). It's as if suddenly, he's .....free! How I wish!!
But it's the connection to me that seems odd. Or disconnection. Almost like I want to reach out and catch him before he falls. Weird.

We spend a nice weekend sharing memories of our vacations, holidays and family gatherings. It was wonderful to re-live those carefree happy days, looking back on the relaxed, fun-loving, energetic man I knew - before COPD.

Full Snow Moon

2008-11-13T19:43:00.003-05:00

This November Full Moon rose at 4:40 this afternoon. It is also called the Snow Moon, Frosty Moon or Beaver Moon. Other names are: Falling Leaves Moon, Geese Going Moon, Long Moon, Little Bear Moon - and lots of others.

These names come from the past, when our people lived close to the Earth. The November Full Moon signaled a time for preparing. Winter would soon be upon the land. Time to gather warm Beaver pelts and other animal furs for use during the long cold months ahead. Food was dried, smoked or salted as a way of keeping it to last until Spring.

Today, we don't have to deal with those survival issues. We go to the store for food and warm clothing. We heat our homes (those of us who live in colder climates). Turn on taps for fresh water.

Unconsciously perhaps, we keep a little bit of the old ways alive by bringing fire indoors. A cozy wood stove or a crackling fireplace brings comfort and atmosphere to an ordinary room. We light candles for special occasions or to grace our dinner tables.

We bake breads and pies. We brew tasty soups and rich stews to nourish our bodies and delight our souls.

We've had rain the past few days, so I couldn't see this full November moon. How quick time is going!

Tigers and Bees and Bears, oh my!

2008-11-10T12:48:00.006-05:00

Jenny at Morning Glories Round the Clock
gave me this idea. She posted her little grandson in his Bee Halloween Costume. So I thought it would be fun to post the littlest grandkids in their costumes. Looks like bees, bugs and animals were the theme this Halloween.

Here is littlest grandson in his bee costume. He was too young to go trick-or-treating, so they had a party at his playgroup.

Littlest granddaughter in her panda bear costume. Looks like this one was taken afterwards. Look at all those yummy treats!

And here is second littlest grandson. Wearing his tiger costume. As you can see, these costumes are made for cold weather, since Halloween is usually cold here. This year it was relatively warm and lots of little ones stripped of their costumes way before the trick-or-treating was over.

IT'S A GIRL!!

2008-11-08T19:50:00.004-05:00

Hubby became a grandpa for the second time.
Little Grace came into the world this afternoon, weighing 8 lb. and 4 oz.

Mother, Father (Hubby's son), big brother, and baby are all doing well.

They live clear across the country in B.C.
So it may be quite a while before we actually see this new little bundle of joy.
Luckily we live in the electronic age. We will catch our first glimpse of her via digital photography.

A time to celebrate!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCELA

2008-11-05T20:28:00.005-05:00

Happy Birthday to a dear Daughter-in-Law.

Enjoy your special day!

This pic and the one on my header was taken by Marcela in Ottawa, where She lives with my son and their firstborn (littlest grandson, pictured above).

Bloomin' Tuesday

2008-11-04T13:28:00.007-05:00

It's Bloomin' Tuesday over at Jean's Blog. This is a bouquet of flowers I received recently. Unfortunately, the light is not very good. They look washed out, but in my opinion, flowers are still flowers. And I love them all.

Moss growing on a rock in my front yard.

A moss skirt around an oak tree in my back yard.

But mostly, I am growing leaves.

Yup - that's what's blooming in my garden today. Leaves, leaves, and more leaves. Must be fall!

Happy Samhain

2008-10-31T14:27:00.003-04:00

Halloween as it's called today. Samhain as observed by the ancients.

October 31st marked the end of summer and the beginning of a New Year.

For the early Europeans, this time of year was the start of cold, lean winter months. The flocks were brought in from the fields to live in sheds until spring.

Samhain is a celebration of the final harvest; a time for assessing how much food would be needed to last the winter. Bonfires were made with sacrifical animals, herbs and wood, to appease the gods.

Samhain also represents the apple harvest. Apples were considered gifts from the gods - a wonderful tasting, healthy, wholesome natural food, full of vitamin C, antioxidants, and natural sugar, for energy.

Samhain is the time of year when the Veil or boundary between our mortal world and the spirit realm is at its thinnest.

On this night Ancestors (those who have passed on) were invited to return to feast with their loved ones. Grinning jack-o-lanterns were put in windows to light the way.

What are you doing tonight?

First Snowfall

2008-10-29T15:51:00.005-04:00

Snow has fallen early this year. The Japanese Maple wears a snow skirt with brown leafy ruffles peeping from underneath.
Poor pot of gold - marigolds, that is.
I left them last because they still looked so vibrant.
The frost hadn't touched them.

Now they are droopy with snow, the bright orange refusing to die.

The good thing is - this snow will melt by the weekend, as warmer temps are predicted.

Keeping my fingers crossed for a warm Halloween for the children.

Sunny Sunday

2008-10-26T21:23:00.002-04:00

My Japanese maple, shining in the morning sun.
Yesterday it rained all day. It was so dark and gloomy.

I used to enjoy rainy days when my children were small.
We'd bake cookies or make finger paint or playdoh.
Those were the days I cooked playdoh on the stove. Flour, salt, water, and oil, oh yes and cream of tartar too. Cooked until it formed a ball. Took it off the stove and waited a bit until it cooled.
Then the fun - we added food colouring to make red and blue and yellow and green balls of gook!

Outside it was raining, but inside was love and laughter. I miss having children at home.

After my last post of feeling like my old self again, I had a horrible night.
It figures - I just post about how much better I'm feeling when wham! Back to menopausal insomnia.

I awoke at 12:15 a.m. after a strange dream.
I dreamed that I was in the garage with my mother (she's been dead for 10 years) and 2 dogs or wolves. The wolf/dogs were circling around me, but I wasn't afraid. One of them then put its front paws on my shoulders trying to weigh me down. I tried to shrug it off, but it wouldn't come off. I still was not afraid, but I wanted to leave.
My mother was sitting serenely on the garage floor.
I said to her "I'd like to go back home with you."

Then I woke up. And stayed awake for about an hour.
I walked about the house trying to figure out this dream. Wondering why I was slipping backwards into insomnia again.
Maybe it was the dark and dreary day. Who knows.

But today the sun shone. I spend a good part of the day walking. Walking in sunshine. Breathing in the good fresh air. Feeling like my body is fitting once again. Letting go of that dream. Letting go of dreary days.
I know I will sleep better tonight.

My Body Rhythms are Changing

2008-10-24T20:26:00.004-04:00

The air is cold in the mornings.
I wait until mid-day to take my walk.
By then the sun is high in the sky, warming me as I walk.

I'm starting my days with tai chi.
Morning stiffness is leaving me.
I am no longer in emotional turmoil brought about by hormonal fluctuations.
Mood swings have settled down; food cravings too.

My basement is dirty. My bushes trimmed nicely.
One afternoon in a fit of heated menopausal rage, I vacuumed the whole basement. Top to bottom, cobwebs and all. Nooks and crannies.
I haven't touched it since. I think that was about 3 years ago.

Another time, I hacked away at a lilac bush that I'd bought at the end of a season, and lovingly planted in the garden.
In 10 years it had never flowered; not one single lilac.
So I got mad and cut it right to the ground.
The next year, it grew bushier. But still no flowers.
Maybe it needs more time. Now I have patience.

My body is starting to fit better. It's beginning to feel like it's old self.... Before Menopause.

I still get hot flashes every day. So I know the process is not complete.
I still wake up at night several times, but I have no trouble going back to sleep.

I told my daughter the other day "There is an end to menopause. Just so you'll know when your time comes. You won't be suffering mood swings, hypoglycemic attacks, rage, crying, stiffness, forgetfulness......for-ever. It will go away."

"Isn't that strange?" she said to me, "That your body fits better now that you've made the decision to start caring for your own needs?"

Misty Morning Cobwebs

2008-10-21T17:50:00.005-04:00

The little spiders were busy in the night. Or maybe it was the faeries! Spinning delicate lace on the cedar hedge.
This one looks like a cradle. Or a fisherman's net.
I don't have much to blog about today.
The Wheel of Life turns....
My aunt died yesterday at 95. She lived a good long life. I did not know her well, so was told by my cousin in an email. My cousin had been with our aunt when she died. I told my cousin that at our age, we are the midwives, helping our parents and older relatives pass on. It is our turn, and now we are the "elders".

A friend of my daughter's gave birth to triplets! Three baby girls. They are going to have their hands full - maybe feet too. LOL!

Hubby is not feeling well. But this is October and we've had rain and cold weather lately. Seasons change. Rain brings heaviness to those who struggle to breathe. He will be alright again....

Littlest grandson has a cold. He's almost 10 months now and this is his first one. His parents are concerned (rightly so - they're the ones he keeps awake at night), but through my Grandma eyes I know this will pass fairly soon. He is a lucky little boy.

I have started back with my aquafit classes. I do not worry as I go out the door. I need this time for me. My body feels better with water exercises. And I cannot control everything.....

I am very very grateful and appreciative for all the information, good resources, kindness and support from all of you in bloggerland. I really feel that by sharing our experiences or just saying "thinking of you" or "hope things get better"or "sending hugs and prayers" makes a HUGE difference in coping with the stress of illness.
Thank you all - you do make a difference.

Eosinophilic colitis

2008-10-17T14:36:00.003-04:00

....is the diagnosis we've been given for granddaughter, Jasmine. It's a chronic, allergic, inflammatory condition of her large intestine. In simple terms, she is allergic to most foods. There is not much known about this illness. It may be autoimmune. We don't know yet.

She's just 20 months, and has been dealing with digestive upsets practically all of her life.

Diagnosed with GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease) about a year ago, her mother (my daughter) thought at that time "we finally have a diagnosis". Now Jasmine would begin to put on weight, enjoy her food, and maybe even sleep through the night.

Although she did improve somewhat, we knew there was more to this picture. She was not getting better. If she wasn't having diarrhea then it was constipation. The type of food made no difference. Her mother could feed her prunes all day and it wouldn't relieve the constipation. It sounded like she had an underlying motility disorder. Blood tests, x-rays and allergy tests were done.

She gained 2 lbs. from January to August. Not good enough.

We knew there were food intolerances, but the only one we were certain about was milk protein. Not lactose in milk. Protein. I'd never heard of anyone, particularly a baby being allergic to milk protein. Jasmine was and still is. So she drinks rice milk.

She eats chicken and rice. Sometimes fruit, sometimes potatoes. Not much else. Her problems persist. So the next step was to take a look inside and biopsy anything that looked suspicious. That meant a trip to the hospital where she was put under anesthesia for her endoscopy (both ends). You can imagine that a toddler would not cooperate for this type of procedure, hence the need for anesthesia.

We now have another diagnosis. Although eosinophilic colitis is a disease she will have to learn to live with, there are medications to help. Not cure....just help her through.

If anybody knows anyone with this form of eosinophilic gastroenteropathy, I'd appreciate an email.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-10-13T15:06:00.006-04:00

I wish this pic didn't have the power wires showing, but I took it from the road, as I didn't want to step right into my neighbour's property. You can see how much the leaves have changed since last Sunday's posting.
Here are some other trees in my neighbourhood. It was beautiful and sunny on Saturday when I took them. A rare treat on Thanksgiving weekend to have such warmth; unfortunately, the sun has bleached the leaves and they don't look quite so crisp.

I have a lot to be thankful for - I hope you do too.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

The Turkeys are Coming....

2008-10-11T16:17:00.006-04:00

Wonder if these flowers taste good?

Something tasty in the driveway?
Oh, a fence... can I fly over it?

Maybe I'll just hide in the bushes for a while.

I did it! Flew up here on top of the world!

Good-bye...... Thanksgiving is coming.....I'm outta here!

I got a suprise one morning about a year ago.

Walked down my driveway and saw this wild turkey.

I ran inside the house to grab my camera and took these pics.

She was rather tame and didn't mind me taking her pic at all.

I sent some of these to the local newspaper and they printed the turkey on the fence pic. I was delighted!

Have a nice Canadian Thanksgiving weekend everyone!

Remembering Ron

2008-10-09T16:21:00.008-04:00

Ronald George Charbonneau

October 8, 1945 - March 1, 2002

My brother died of liver cancer when he was 56 years old.

Yesteday, he would have been 63.

He leaves behind a devoted wife and lovely daughter.

A history professor at Vanier College in Montreal, Canada, Ron lived his life to the fullest.

This is taken from the "euology" I wrote when he died. I didn't know I was writing anything formal. I just sat down and wrote:

We lost a cherished brother today. He left this earth too soon, in his middle years, just when the frantic pace of youth was beginning its gentle slope towards peace, wisdom, harmony and balance; a time to get out of the rat race and focus on leisure, home and family.

Ron worked hard all his life. From an early age, he shouldered responsibilities beyond his years. Never would he refuse to help anyone in need. Extremely loyal and devoted to his family, friends, students and coworkers, he set a fine example for others to follow.

Turning the corner with anticipation to begin a new phase of life, a well deserved life of retirement, of time for himself, time to read, to write, to listen to music, to plant exotic flowers, to cook gourmet meals, to enjoy his beloved wife and daughter - something happened.

As he was preparing to leave behind a lifetime of fierce blizzards, ice storms, and snow shovelling, characteristic of our harsh Canadian winters, to take up residence in the sunshiny, warm and welcoming climate of the South, he mistakenly took a wrong turn, got on the wrong path, opened the wrong door - and entered the Summerland instead. What made him lose his way? We'll never know.........

Dear Ron, our brother - firstborn - first to enter the world, first to leave. He was the cornerstone of the family - the sacrifical lamb - he who paves the way for his younger brother and sisters to follow......

Ron..... husband, father, brother, and son - we will miss your smile, your happy, round, jovial face, your joie-de-vivre, your sense of fun and mischief and your love of laughter. May you soon find your way out of the darkness and towards the light with grace and dignity. Go with our love Ron, and may you rest in peace.

It's Blooming Tuesday

2008-10-07T16:28:00.006-04:00

I sure hope I do this right. It's Blooming Tuesday and I'm supposed to show what's blooming in my garden. Well, I cheated.

Below - you will find my first attempt at Photostory. I really had fun, especially with the "edit" feature. That's why you will find blue and green flowers (they were edited with the "negative" mode).

As well some of my pink hibiscus are bathed in the "ethreal glow" , which makes them look white over pink - again, compliments of the "edit mode". The music is rather tinny, but I had to use what was available.

Enjoy!

Putting My Garden to Bed

2008-10-05T18:31:00.005-04:00

Leaves look like a child has taken a paintbrush and swept it over the treetops.

The forecast is for a low of zero the next couple of nights, so out here in the country, that means freezing.

Time to pack up the hobbit garden.....until next year.

Dahlias I will try to save. The roots or corms or tubers ; not sure what you call them. I'll keep them in the garage wrapped in newspaper and if they survive, I'll plant them in the spring.

Asters ( I think) growing wild at the side of the road.

Shall I pick them before they freeze?

My Lucky Day

2008-10-03T15:51:00.004-04:00

I had an amazing day yesterday.
My daughter had an appointment for The Ultrasound. The one that tells you a little boy is growing in there, or a little girl.
I volunteered to babysit Little Granddaughter.
We played dolls, and puzzles, and playdoh. We put on shoes and zipped up coats and went for a walk in her stroller.
Jasmine said "ducks? ducks?"
"No sweetie - it's too cold to feed the ducks today."

Back home, we ate our lunch and waited for Mom to come back. It wasn't long before Mom came bursting into the house.
"It's a Boy!"
"Allllllright - good news! Everything's o.k.?" Daughter nodded her head as she picked up her daughter and gave her a hug.

Hmmm - can Baby Boy wear pink sleepers and onesies?
Not a chance (I decided) I'll just have to stop at the mall and check out the newborn clothes.
Oooooh -how exciting!

Waved good-by and jumped into my car. Stopped to pick up a latte. I happened to look in the mirror. Eeeeeeks - is that me??
Maybe I'd better stop at Sephora and refresh my lipstick. For those of you who don't know Sephora, it's a well-known make-up store. They carry oodles of make-up - every brand you can think of. There are lots of testers- with disposable applicators, tissues - everything you'd need to try, try, try - so you'd buy, buy,buy.

I chose a rich wine lipstick. Ahhh - that's better. Might as well apply a little foundation while I'm here.

"Can I help you?"
"No, I'm o.k., thanks"
"Well that powder you're using needs to be applied with a brush - not a tissue"
"Oops"
"Here let me show you."

Obediently I followed her to the make-up application station.
"This must be your lucky day!" she enthused, "We'll do a full face."
What does that mean? She'd normally do half a face?
I sat on the high stool and watched her do her magic.
I must say I was impressed. She used brushes for everything:
concealer, liquid foundation, setting powder, blush.
A real artist.
When she was finished, I looked in the mirror. Wow - what a transformation!

"So, shall I take these to the cash for you?"
You've gotta be joking, I thought. I didn't come here for that. All I wanted was a quick dash of lipstick to liven up my face.
"No, but I'll take that brush."

Now on to Sears. I made a bee-line right to the baby department and got lost in all those sweet little blue onesies, teddy-bear blue sleepers, teeny-tiny blue socks, hats, blankets......when a youngish lady (dressed in an autumn costume) approached me. Obviously a store employee, she carried a basket over her arm. I peeked inside and saw colourful fall leaves and dark brown pinecones.
"Choose a leaf or pinecone and you will win a prize."

Hey - that sounds like a good idea. Sticking my hand inside the basket, I wondered what the prize would be. Samples of shampoo, or baby lotion, a box of chocolates, or maybe a trip around the world! My imagination was catching fire...
Withdrew my hand - I'd grabbed a pinecone.

"Oh a pinecone! This must be your lucky day! You win a 10 x 12 picture at our photo studio!"
Yuk - I don't want my picture taken.
"Can I give it to my daughter?"
"Sure, no problem."
What a disappointment. I walked away and once again immersed myself in soft, snuggly, powder blue, teeny tiny newborn clothes.

A few minutes later I heard a familiar female voice.

"Oh a leaf! This must be your lucky day! You win a 10 x 12 picture at our photo studio!"
I should have guessed. No matter what I'd picked, the "prize" would be the same. LOL!

Ebb and Flow......

2008-09-30T15:33:00.008-04:00

Finding balance in our lives, as the seasons change.
Our leaves are turning, bright oranges, reds, and gold.

Bright yellow mums liven up my fall garden.

And lavender ones for calmness.

I am feeling more balanced in my life now.

Hubby is feeling well. There are no new symptoms to worry about.

My blogger friends have given me good advice.....

It is a mind-set that's beginning to work.....

Bringing me more peace, less worry, less frustration...

And I think Hubby is feeling this new peaceful me.

Healing us both.

UPDATE: It's Blooming Tuesday at Jean's blog. A day to show what's blooming in our gardens.

A Sure Sign of Autumn

2008-09-27T15:30:00.004-04:00

Summer's gone.
I've packed away my summer shorts and tank tops.
Kicked off comfy sandals and let them lie at the bottom of the closet.
Abandoned my flip-flops.
I dig out long pants and warm sweaters to wear for my morning walks.
Thick socks and running shoes feel better on cool mornings.

And so, while rummaging in the back of my clothes closet, I came across what I thought was an empty shoe box. Peeked inside to find:

Sparkly, jewelled, golden and glitzy summer sandals!

It was 2 summers ago, when shopping with my daughter, that I purchased these on a whim. A moment of madness.

Well - why not? She was buying pretty, young, totally impractical sandals, so why couldn't I? Just because I'm not young any more, doesn't mean I can't spend my money on silly, fun shoes. Right?

I remember bringing them home. Hubby took one look at them and said "The soles are too flat and hard, won't they hurt your feet?"

But like a star-struck teenager I had overlooked that most important part of the footwear and went for the jewels! Gold straps that laced halfway up my legs! What fun! I could pretend I looked like an Egyptian princess (o.k. queen....mother). Never mind that I don't have pretty legs. Who cares?

So I wore the sandals that first summer. And they hurt my feet. Hmmmm.

And the next summer after suffering with a bout of plantar fasciitis, I thought my practical self had given them away.

I guess not! So here they are to taunt me once again. Summer's over and here we are!

Note to Carin: Since you have volunteered to remind me to put away my garden hose before winter, perhaps I can ask you to remind me to dig out these sparkly sandals next summer - so they don't spend another year tucked away in my closet. LOL!

Autumn Equinox

2008-09-22T20:02:00.003-04:00

Summer is over. It's officially Autumn.
Today is the autumn equinox, where day and night are equal.
12 hours daylight and 12 hours darkness.
A celebration of harvest, balance and peace.

Time to enjoy the harvest.
Time to look at the balance in our own lives.
And find peace in our hearts.

I've struck gold...

2008-09-20T19:25:00.005-04:00

....in Bloggerville. I wasn't sure quite what to expect when I last posted. I am pleased to say that your gentle comfort and sincere support has me completely overwhelmed!

Thank you all so very much.
I am blessed to have such wonderful friends.

As I was writing that last post, fingers of guilt poked me in the ribs.
Why are you whining again?
How can you possibly complain when Hubby's needs are much greater than yours?
Stop your complaining and smarten up.

Maybe a teacher's voice, or my parents. I don't know.

But MY "voice" (once I posted it) was met with comfort, kindness and support.

I half expected a scolding. Nobody told me to stop the pity party. Nobody tried to point out how fortunate I am just to be out of the hurricane zone.

I knew I had to write how I was feeling. And take a chance. Take a risk that people would stop reading my blog. Or think me awful.
For every "guilt" finger poked in my side, another voice spoke up..

"You have the right to feel your feelings - whether judged good or bad, you have that right. After you've acknowledged them, then you can deal with them - or the situation."

So, I listened to that voice and published my Somewhat Cocoon.
Feel my feelings. Validate them. Then figure out what to do.

Whether it was my "putting myself out there", or your sensitive and soothing comments, or the healing Prayer that Bear Naked sent, I slept better these last 2 nights than I have in a long time.

And with a better night's sleep, my level of energy improved and with that my overall mood. I felt lighter. A little happiness crept into my being.

Ahhhh - well, I'll just pick myself up, dust myself off and begin to pull myself out of the bottom of that pit. And you know what?.... a funny thing happened... that simmering resentment just melted away.
Whether or not it comes back, doesn't matter right now. I'll deal with it another day.

And with that resentment out of the way, a little space was created to enjoy the mundane, the routine of our days I usually find so boring.

On deeper reflection, I became aware of a pattern to my relationships with men. Why do I choose men whose needs are greater, more important than mine?

Hubby #1 always told me his needs were greater. They weren't. But I gave in to him all the time. After 20 years I got fed up and finally, finally left.

Serious boyfriend (sounds weird at my age - I met him when I was 40) helped me over the guilt I was feeling over destroying my first marriage. After a while, however, it seemed like he also, had "important business needs" which always came first, keeping me waiting at home for his calls. After 2 years I decided I'd had enough. I left.

Then along came this Hubby. Hubby #2 - the Right One. Instant magic. Happiness, true caring, honesty, respect, mutual support and love. This marriage was everything I'd dreamed it would be.

Then, just like in a novel, everything came crashing down. Hubby's energy level was visibly waning. He couldn't keep up with me on bike rides or walks anymore. He had to take naps in the daytime. Something was very wrong.

As you all know, COPD was diagnosed 6 years ago and Hubby was instantly tethered to an in-home oxygen system.

Now his needs really are greater than mine. His issues are life-and-death. I can't (nor do I want to) walk away this time. I will stay in this situation until the end.

Ah, but what's the lesson here? I will need to think about this some more.

In My Somewhat Cocoon

2008-09-17T15:26:00.004-04:00

I feel like I am living in a cocoon.

In his illness, Hubby has drawn a cocoon around himself.

I need to remain near him; easing his burden; helping him stay alive. Feeding his energy, as mine ebbs.

And so I am forced to live in a cocoon as well.

Well, maybe not quite. I can push open the back door and rush out to snatch laundry off the clothesline before it rains. Or fling open the front door, hop onto my bike and chase after the full moon, if I want.

Hubby can't. He would sit by the window and watch.....

I can jump in the car and go shopping, fill up on gas (not that anybody looks forward to that - at these prices), check out new books at the library, visit the garden center.

Hubby can't. He sits at home and waits for me to return.....

My daughter calls: "Mom can you come and babysit today and tomorrow?"

"I'd love to, but I can't do both. How about tomorrow?" My daughter understands.

Hubby stays home. He rarely sees his grandchild. His Elder Son comes here to visit.......once in a while..... and only if he doesn't have a cold.

Then why do I feel as if I'm in a cocoon? I can come and go as I please.
Well, not really. My "freedom" is limited.

Then I must be living somewhat in a cocoon. Partially in a cocoon. With little cat doors or windows, where I can crawl out from time to time....to nourish my spirit.

While my body "rests" in my Somewhat Cocoon, my mind is working furiously:

Why am I so cut off from social life? I can't work. I can't travel. I can't pick up and go whenever I want. Every visit to the library, to my grandchildren, to grocery shop must be planned around Hubby's needs. I can't stay away overnight.

What is this supposed to be teaching me?
Where is my learning, my growth in this experience?
It is said "When one door closes another opens".
Which door is that and where is it?

It looks as though Life has given me a gift. A bit of a "time out" from the flow of normal outside activities.
Time for what? Inner growth?
Is that what happens inside a cocoon?

Should I be rejoicing? Well I'm not. I'm like a child who was not invited to the party....... I stick my nose against the windowpane and look longingly at the rest of the world, that merrily goes on without me.

Will I look back on this time and say "I was handed a golden opportunity - the time to develop my inner self. Why didn't I publish my book, write another one, create an on-line business, learn some crafts, languages, and anything else that took my fancy?"

Will I look back on this time and remember only the good parts? Will I feel blessed with the strength of our love that kept us going.

All my lessons of ......
Focus on what you have - not what you don't have.
If you can't change your situation, change your attitude (or energy).
Life is not waiting for the storm to pass; it's learning to dance in the rain.
.......are not working today.

I long for the day when I can fly free. Shake out my glistening butterfly wings and...... go. Escape to a sunny tropical beach; lie on the sand and listen...... to the rhythmic song of the waves, as they soothe my weary soul.

But that day will also be laced with grief; saturated with tears and pain. Hubby will be gone.

So I sit in my Somewhat Cocoon today.......

Waiting for the Storm to Pass instead of...... Learning to Dance in the Rain.

After the Rain

2008-09-15T07:11:00.002-04:00

Can you see the spider web?
It's intricate pattern delicately woven through the leaves, catching a moment's light between rain clouds.

Ah yes - I never tire of photographing my favourite hibiscus......can you see how gentle rainwater has collected deep inside the flower? Like a cup of nectar waiting to nourish a thirsty hummer, or curious bee.

We've been lucky. Steady drumming rains, gentle winds of change, no damage - just softness in our gardens and lawns.
Others have not been so fortunate.
Love and Light for those suffering from Ike's storm.

Life Cycles

2008-09-13T19:17:00.003-04:00

Summer is winding down. A flower on my pink hibiscus droops.....

as does Hubby.

Summer was not kind to Hubby. Too much humidity. Too much rain.

Made for difficult breathing, sapping his strength.

We did go out in the car - briefly. A 20-minute ride to our favourite coffee spot; through the drive-thru and back home again - take-out coffee cups in our hands.

20 minutes - all he could handle.

But, at least he got out. A change of scenery from our back deck.

As the weather cools down and turns downright cold, outings will be a memory once again.

Towards the end of August, we had some unexpected good weather. Warm temps, low humidity and Hubby looked happy once more.

But with every "up", there will inevitably be a "down".

And with every "down", we will hopefully have brighter days to look forward to.

So, we make the best of it. When he spends most of the day sleeping, I don't freak out anymore. I know his tired body just needs extra rest. Perhaps it's the coffee outing..... or bath day...... or digestion is taking it's toll. (I made him french toast the other day - his favourite; but it sat like a lead balloon in his stomach all morning, forcing him to rest in his chair).

Little things like that creep up on us. Yesterday he could eat french toast, oatmeal, fried eggs. Today, he can't. Yesterday (it seems) he could drive the car, rake leaves, enjoy a glass of wine. Today - those pleasures are long gone.

You can see how fragile he is. Nothing new..... I've said it before, but it still amazes me how he can function day after day with so little strength, so little lung capacity.
And yet on good days, when his eyes light up with a smile, I can see his spirit; I can see the old Hubby...... before COPD.

And so.......Life goes on.....

Remembering 9-11-2001

2008-09-11T20:35:00.002-04:00

Remembering 9-11-2001

A very sad time.

They say it changed the nation - I think it changed the world.

Where were you?

Hubby and I were vacationing in Ogunquit, Maine. The weather was perfect for our short holiday.

I stood high up on the rocky pathway; watching the power of the ocean.

Waves surged forward in a rush, only to smash to the shore.

I love the ocean. It relaxes me.......lulls me.

I felt at peace. Turned to hubby and asked if he was ready to go for a swim.

He was, and so we went back to the car to collect our things - blanket, cooler, sunscreen.

We slammed the trunk and were just heading down the footpath towards the beach area when a woman approached me.

"Did you hear?"

My head must have been in rhythm with the waves, for I thought she was talking about the weather.

"Very nice". I smiled.

She gave me a strange look.

"The Twin Towers." she almost yelled at me.

"What?" I was really confused now. I looked for Hubby, but he was already down by the water, spreading our blanket over the sand.

Then she told me.

Later that evening my daughter called our hotel room. She was worried that we may not be able to come home, since the Canadian/American borders had been closed.

I rather hoped we would be forced to extend our vacation!

That didn't happen. Fortunately, for us - all's well that ends well.

Others were not so fortunate.

What about you - do you remember where you were?