Being thankful for little things

No, this is not going to be a soppy blog about counting our blessings or being grateful for what we have - I'll probably do that one as we get closer to Christmas - or maybe after.

In my new role of "caregiver for everything in the house too" I went down the basement to get our decorations for the tree. We do things in stages around here. The tree went up a few days ago - now it's time to decorate it.

Turning the corner into the furnace and storage room, I innocently walked right into a puddle of water.
Yikes! Sopping feet!
Our furnace was going full-blast, but there was water was seeping out from underneath.

I quickly threw some old newspapers on the water, hoping to absorb the worst of it. No I didn't feel like getting old towels (which would be much more absorbant), I'd only have to throw them in the washing machine afterwards. Newspaper I could shoot out, or recycle.

It was the humidifier leaking. I had to help hubby down the stairs and into the treacherous furnace room so he could advise me where the darn "turn-off valve" was and which way to turn it off.

Climbing on a stool, scrunched under a furnace pipe, over the water-heater (how on earth do big, strong, service men get into tiny spaces like this?) I turned the valve. The water continued to drip. I turned it the other way - it still continued to drip.
O.K. time to call the service people. Hubby'd had enough and went to take a nap. I called Service.
"Just turn off the valve and we will be in your area on Monday"
Monday? This was Thursday. We're suppposed to have a leaky furnace for 4 days - are you nuts???
"Lady, just put a pail under the leak and turn off the valve."
"I did and it still leaks and I don't want to have a leaky furnace for 4 days. It's dangerous!
"Well, what can we do?"
I could have told him what he could do, but I did want them to come to the house.

Back downstairs to check. Maybe magically the leak had stopped. No such luck. I was really getting angry now. How dare they expect me to live like this. What kind of service is that?
I looked at the make of humidifier - Honeywell. They must have a number to call. I found them in the phone book and called "technical support".

To make a long story short, the fellow in "technical support" told me to check and see if one of the tubes (inflow or outflow) was blocked.
I did.
One of them was.
I poured warm vinegar water down the tube to try and break up the sediment.
It didn't work.
In desperation I untwisted a wire coat hanger, straightened it out and shoved it down the still mucky tube.
It worked!!
Hubby woke up from his afternoon nap to find the humidifier running smoothly and the water cleaned up.

I waited until the next day to call the furnace company - just in case.

"You can cancel the service call scheduled for Monday - I fixed it myself!" I told the girl proudly.
"Good for you", she answered "you saved yourself a lot of money. Why don't you go and buy yourself a nice expensive Christmas present?"
I laughed and told her I 'd buy her one too.

In the big picture of Life, this is just a drop in the bucket (no more water, puleese!) a little thing, but I am thankful I was able to solve the problem on my own.

O Christmas Tree

As the years go by, I find myself taking on more and more of the workload at home.

Over the weekend I decided to shovel a path from our driveway to the back of the house where the oil tank outlet (connection? pipe?) was, so that when the "oil delivery man" delivered our home heating oil, he wouldn't be stomping through drifts of snow, cursing us as he went.

I looked in the garage where we usually keep the snow shovel. Staring back at me was our garden rake. Rake? Nobody's used that since sometime in November.

Usually my husband quietly goes about his chores; putting away the gardening tools, and bringing out the winter ones. Knowing when it's time to winterize the car, clean the windows or gutters. Just like I would effortlessly serve a roast or a stew at dinner. You don't see all the work and preparation that goes beforehand. But dinner is served, clothes are washed, seasons change and so do the tools.

I've relied on Hubby for so long to do those little things, but now I have to face the fact that he can't anymore. So I dutifully stomped through the snow to the toolshed, forced open the door against the snowdrift and found the shovel crammed in towards the back. Nuts! I'd meant to bring the rake with me, but had left it back in the garage - oh well, it can just stay there for the winter.

On to the buying of our Christmas tree . I didn't have far to go - just to our friendly neighbourhood grocery store parking lot. Much easier to drive home with a tree stuffed in the trunk if you don't have far to go.

I bought a small one so I could easily manoeuver it. Hubby was eagerly waiting for me as I parked in the garage, opened the trunk, untied the tree and finally hauled it into the house.

The stand was ready and waiting for us in a cozy corner of the living room. I picked up the tree and plunged it into the stand. Hubby helped to support the tree while I jiggled it about trying to center it in the stand. Then I let go to turn those long screw-things into the base of the tree.

WRONG!
Hubby couldn't hold up the tree on his own.
I grabbed the tree and saved it from toppling.

Hubby was upset.
I was shocked.

This was a small Christmas tree - not like the big ones we used to buy when all the kids and grand-kids came over to celebrate.
It was not a heavy tree and yet hubby could not hold it up.

We finished our task and then took a "time-out". I put on a pot of coffee and lit a yummy-smelling apple-cinnamon candle (even though the room was bright with morning sun); slid a soothing CD into the player. We sat together on the couch, talking about the coming season, our plans for next year and made predictions as to who was going to be the first to give us another grand-child.

Eventually Hubby's saddness evaporated and we went on with our day.

It's so easy to be lulled into feeling like everything is fine, normal, o.k., but when something unexpected happens, reality sinks in and back we go to the bottom of the well.
The trick is to pull ourselves back up again. And after a while we did.

Christmas shopping

That time of year again!
This year I said - "I don't have the energy to go all out. We'll just have a practical Christmas"
I meant - just the basics. I usually give my children money to spend however they want as well as something small, like candles, a blouse, chocolates, - just so it's not only about money.
The grand-kids I like to spoil.

However, this year I warned everybody that it would be simple. I asked my daughter-in-law what the children needed in the way of clothes. I planned to buy them each a toy and then something "practical".

"Socks" she said.

O.K., I thought - I can do that.

So, I marched into Sears and bought mountains of socks - some spiderman, some Joe Cool (whoever he is) and some pretty ones and some baby ones. I agonized over the sizes (I did have their sizes written down on a piece of paper, but somehow they didn't match the socks I was holding in my hand).

Sitting on the floor, I kept referring back to the paper: Justin needs
size 5 - 7. Is that shoe or sock? Some of the socks only had the sock size on the pack. Other ones had both shoe and sock size. Hmmm - this was harder than I thought.

I decided to sit there for a while to figure things out. Glancing up I saw a women who looked like she was in her 80's. "Don't worry, dear", she said "in a few weeks it'll be all over". She actually looked much calmer and less flustered than I was.

That was back in November. I thought I'd get an early start. Somehow, no matter how early I start, the days creep up and before we know it - only a few days left to finish shopping.

After visiting with my baby grand-daughter, a couple of days ago, I made the mistake of going into Toys-R-Us on my way home. I walked in the door and was immediately assaulted by all their Star Wars, Transformers, Pirates of the Caribbean, Dungeons and Dragons toys screaming to be bought. I hemmed and hawed and walked around until I was hot and thirsty and fed up. Intending to buy something small to go along with their toy and socks, I gave in and bought really fun and exciting and expensive toys after all.

I do the same thing every year.

Every year I start off saying "let's do just the basics - there is no need to overspend" and every year I buy more than I intended.

Ah well - Christmas is for kids and they're only little for such a short time. And somewhere in Santa's book of etiquette, doesn't it say that grandmas and grandpas are supposed to spoil their grandkids at Christmas time?

Flu Shot

The community nurse came to our home to give hubby and myself our flu shot. This is the first year we have not been able to go to the clinic.



Last year, we drove in the car, but hubby was not able to get out of the car to walk into the clinic. It was cold outside and he would have desaturated too fast.



I went in and registered both of us and then asked if the nurse could give him the flu shot in the car. I fully expected them to say "are you kidding?"

But, surprise, surprise - they agreed.

The nurse put on her coat, walked over to where we were parked in the handicapped spot and jumped in the front seat. She gave hubby his shot right there.



This morning, the nurse was scheduled to arrive in our home at 10:00. A decent time - not too early; not after lunch when hubby usually sleeps.

Well, hubby had to prepare mentally for this visit. He made sure he was up early. He took his time reading the newspaper while drinking his morning coffee. You can't rush when you have COPD. You become short-of-breath and have to stop. That makes it take even longer.

I got up, drank my coffee, and wrote my "morning pages" (see www.theartistsway.com by Julia Cameron for an explanation of "morning pages"), then went into the kitchen and had breakfast. Hubby came in and sat down to eat too, but I was off to the races. Bing-bang up in the shower, blow-dryed my hair, dressed, make-up, made the bed, like I was going off to work again.

Hubby was still eating his toast.

I finally got him upstairs an hour before the nurse was due to arrive. It took him that long to wash, dress and take his puffers.

By 10:00 we were ready and waiting.

After the vaccines were done, hubby had to go and rest.

"Whew" he said, "what a morning!" Then we both looked at each other and laughed.

Our "morning" as it was today, used to take "minutes" in the old days.

At least we can laugh about it. And at least we still have each other.

Saved by the gong!

Chi gong, that is. Yesterday morning I got up feeling draggy. It was cold outside. Even the squirrels were hiding. I knew I had to do something or I'd drag around all day feeling like a lump.

I went down the basement and put on an old Chi gong video. I hadn't practiced with that particular one in months.

In summer, I practice my tai chi or chi gong outside in the backyard or on the deck. Where have those golden summer days gone? By the time I accept that summer is really gone, fall has come and gone, winter is usually half way done too. Is this part of "old age slowing down?"
Who knows? Maybe it's just the stuckness I feel at this time in my life - wanting to hold on to Life Before COPD.

In my younger days, the seasons just flew by. Summer clothes had to be put away, school clothes bought, pumpkins, Thanksgiving turkeys, Halloween, and the next thing we knew it was time to burrow down the basement, to locate last year's winter boots - and hope they would still fit. Most of the time they didn't.

Now I watch my children going through these seasonal antics and wistfully wish I were back there again; working and child raising and absolutely, passionately thrown full force into life. Back then I was bemoaning the fact that I rarely had a moment to myself. Now I have lots of those moments. Wouldn't it be nice if we could somehow balance all that out?

Back to chi gong. It worked! The flowing movements and deep breathing brought my stagnant energy back to life.

I much prefer the gentleness, the focus on balance, the integration of my brain in remembering the sequence of those movements, the proper positioning of hands, arms, legs - rather than any aerobic or cardio program or even weights. Oh, they have their place, but...

I prefer the refreshed feeling I get, when I finish a session; the paradoxical energetic, yet calm and peaceful sense of well-being, that everything is right in my world - just for a little while.

Dark days

I feel like I'm in the middle of a dark tunnel headed towards the center of the Earth. It's a scary feeling.
Our days are so short at this time of year. No sooner does the sun get up and we go about our day, but then it's mid-afternoon with the light fading towards darkness once again.
Some days I don't feel like I've accomplished a thing, but then maybe it's not about accomplishing.

Live life in the moment

.... is what we're taught. But what if you don't like the moment? What if the moment is dark and you'd rather be on a sunny, warm beach?

Some people don't mind this dark time of year. For them, it's January and February, the two coldest months that are hard to take.

For me, January and February are cold, but the days gradually become longer and longer. Sunshine pours through our windows and my plants put on a growing spurt. It's as if they are waking up and preparing for spring.

Once we turn that corner on December 21st, where our days lengthen and the nights become shorter, I start to feel better. I can see light at the end of my dark tunnel.
Darkness is retreating, the busy-ness of Christmas is past and January brings a new year, new hope and a promise of the coming Spring.

Hubby also is feeling the dampness in his bones. He doesn't go out at all. He sleeps more than usual. It's like he's in hibernation mode.

I've hung a birdfeeder on the clothesline in our backyard, just outside the kitchen window. I had nailed the cage-like suet feeder to the big old oak tree (which I've named Grandfather Oak) but the squirrels attacked it, digging out the peanuts and seeds with their sharp paws.

I wondered where I could possibly hang it out of the squirrels' reach.
Ah ha - the clothesline! Surely a clothesline would be too thin for them to walk along. I'd hang it right in the center.

First we got some chickadees, woodpeckers and even a few blue jays. The jays looked so big trying to hang on to the feeder and peck away at the goodies inside.

After a while the inevitable happened - the squirrels found it. They scurried up and down Grandfather Oak trying to figure out how to traverse the clothesline.
Then they sat on the ground directly beneath the feeder. Rising up on their hind legs they sniffed the air trying to figure out whether or not they could jump up to it. Now maybe a flying squirrel could do that, but not these plump, solid critters.

They tried jumping from the hedge and fell short. Then, one brave squirrel hopped on the pulley from the tree. Venturing out, it twisted and turned the clothesline in its little paws in an attempt scramble to the feeder.

Annoyed, I thumped loudly on the kitchen window. The little critter lost his balance and fell to the ground. Boy, did we laugh! Not that it stopped him, of course. He tried again and again, only to be "thumped at" until he fell off.

We did have some enjoyable moments watching the squirrels' antics; so living in the moment can be fun, making one forget those dark problems for a little while.

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass....

it's about learning to dance in the rain."

I read that on another caregiving blog. But, boy is it hard some days to dance in the rain!

Our magical snowfall of yesterday has turned into an icy downpour. The trees look pretty, but there's a nor'easter brewing and that means more snow before day's end.

No matter how pretty the trees, bushes, clothes lines and power lines look covered in ice, that's a recipe for disaster. Heavily coated power lines break - and that means a power failure. Definitely not good for someone on an oxygen concentrator. Oh, we have a back-up system - that's an absolute must - but it's still a worry.

Days like this I truly appreciate being a grandma - I don't have to rush out in this yukky slippery weather to go to work. I can stay at home, warm and cozy, relaxing with my hubby.
However - just because I don't have to rush out to a job, doesn't mean I have to stay home, does it? Apparently not - weather notwithstanding, I decided to visit my daughter. It's her 33rd birthday today!!

Hubby looked a little forlorn as I merrily jumped into the car, birthday gift stashed in the backseat and carefully backed out of the garage. I think he was worried about the icy power lines snapping and leaving us without power ( a very legitimate concern)!

Well, I didn't get very far when I realized that this was no day to be on the roads. The weather report was right (for once) and it was better to go back home. Cars were skidding ahead of me and someone was in the ditch, awaiting a tow truck. So, I turned the car around and went home. So much for my venturing out to enjoy a birthday lunch with my daughter.

As a matter of fact, 33 years ago today we were also in the middle of a snowstorm. That didn't stop my baby girl from being born - and in the middle of the night too!

I tried dancing in the rain today, but ended up going home, waiting for the storm to pass.