Winter Blues

Snow falls gently outside my window. Will winter never end?
Hubby has not been himself lately.
His cheerful self is subdued.
His energy level is definitely down.
His eyes have lost that sparkle and have taken on a glazed look.
I can see a saddness seeping into his soul.

Is it Winter Blues? Or something bigger?
With COPD one never knows.
There are times when they look so sick you think they won't last another day. Then something happens, a tiny shift , a bit more energy, and they're back on their feet once more, ready to face the day.

I am not letting myself worry. Acceptance is not about worry. It's about allowing.
I remind myself to "go about my day" as if things were perfectly normal. And maybe they are. This period of low energy has happened countless times before. And will probably happen again.

It must be awful to always feel like you are fighting. It must be awful to feel so vulnerable.
I watch him moving about and am tempted to ask "are you o.k.?" about every 10 minutes or so just for my own reassurance.

But that would be absurd. And it wouldn't help him.
So I wait and I watch and I say nothing. Until I see him taking a rest from the arduous task of putting on his socks.
Then I ask if he's o.k.
"Just a little tired" he replies.

I know it goes deeper. But I won't force it out of him. I won't focus on it.
Instead I'll go and buy some more spring flowers to brighten up the kitchen windowsill, while Hubby takes his afternoon nap.