Sunday, October 28, 2007

There's been a shift

A tiny shift, almost imperceptible, but a shift none-the-less. I feel it in my body, in the energy that surrounds us, in the timid little spark of light caught in the reflection of hubby's eyes.

"I think I'm feeling a bit better" Hubby spoke cautiously, so as not to upset that good feeling and make it go away.

Better? Feeling better? Oh joy!! Yippeee!

Are the antibiotics finally kicking in?
Is it Son's visit? Did he bring a sliver of light into my husband's soul? A change of focus, a shift from dark to light, as they sit together watching football on T.V.

But isn't that my job - to make him feel better? Aren't I the one to put light in his eyes, a smile on his face?

Maybe I've been holding on too tight. Trying too hard. Taking my role as "fierce protective dragon" a little too seriously; guarding my charge from upset and fatigue at all costs.

This Cold has forced me inwards. I have had to temporarily step down from being primary Caregiver and let Son take over for a while. I have had to "let go" a little bit, relax my hold. Is there a message for me in this too? Am I holding on too tight to this illness? To my role as Caregiver? Is it time to let go, release the reins a bit? Trust that I am doing all that I can and let Nature look after the rest?

Or is it just the atmosphere, the cool autumn winds sweeping away the old stagnant energy and replacing it with fresh and crisp air.
Whatever it is, hubby is beginning to smile again.
And that's good enough for me.


Anonymous said...

You've probably already built taking vitamins into your day, but if not--I hope that you aren't ever skipping your own multi-vitamins, especially Bcomplex (you're stressed); and taking C may help prevent future colds.
We often hear how important it is for the Caregiver to look after him/herself. Getting away, getting sleep, getting exercise all take at least some planning, time, and effort. Taking vitamins is no substitute for those other things, but at least it's an easier part of what you can do for yourself! Unfortunately, it's so easy to do that it is also easy to forget.
Best wishes,

Brenda said...

Hope you get over your cold!!! Get your butt into the ocean! It's the best cure-all I know.... ok, besides a glass of!

Nancy said...


Hope your hubby is still "shifting" in the right direction, even though it may be in tiny steps.

Don't forget to take care of yourself.


Hugs to all the caregivers out there reading this blog.

JOY said...

Sorry to hear you're a little under the weather, I guess it's just that time of the year isn't it? Taking lots of vitamin C will certainly help you get better. Glad to hear you're taking time to rest whenever you can. I hope he brings you a cup of tea! I'm always thrilled whenever anyone washes the dishes for me after a meal. It's always so wonderful~Take care, Joy

Wendy said...

Thanks ladies for your input. Yes, I am taking care of myself. It's a funny feeling!
Happy Caregivers Month to everybody!!

p.s. - to Joy : hubby always washes the dishes - says it makes him feel useful as he can't do much else. Hmmm haven't been served tea in a long time.....