Decisions, decisions

Thursday afternoon I arrived back home from a quick trip to the library to find a telephone message waiting for me (Hubby was having his nap).

"This is the Home Care nurse. I will be coming tomorrow morning (Friday) to draw your husband's blood sometime between 8:00 and 9:00. He must be fasting. Oh, and I need a urine sample."

Oh, really? How convenient. Thanks for all the notice. There was no way of reaching this nurse to try and reschedule since it was after 4:00 pm and she had gone home.

These blood tests were just routine, so could be done anytime. The important thing was, I had booked a nail appointment for 9:00 the next morning (Friday).
Hmmmmm should I cancel my appointment? I could, but I don't feel right about cancelling at the last minute. Besides, I had 2 broken nails and really really wanted them fixed.

Could Hubby manage alone?
Why not? There is nothing for him to do but sit at the kitchen table and wait for the nurse. She could ring the doorbell and walk in. Do I really have to be there?
Or, with any luck, the nurse would arrive before I had to leave - then there wouldn't be a problem.

Nope - didn't happen.

The next morning, I taped a note on the front door instructing her to ring and walk in. It would take too long for hubby to walk across the room and answer the door. She might think nobody was home and leave.

I left dear hungry hubby (actually it was the early morning coffee he was longing for, not the food) sitting forlornly at the kitchen table. He wasn't upset that I was leaving - he'd encouraged me to go.

"I can certainly manage this on my own!" he said rather indignantly.
But I know it's hard for him to be on his own. Without me. Even for a little while. Especially with a "stranger" coming into the house.

How long would he have to wait (without nourishment) before the nurse arrived? Would he pass out alone in the kitchen? Would she be kind or impatient? Would she be skilled at drawing blood - or inexperienced? Would she remember to properly shut the front door after leaving? Or expect Hubby to make the trip from the kitchen to the front of the house, tiring him out unnecessarily. Would she be sensitive to Hubby's needs - his slowness of movement, his breathless speech, his need for his portable oxygen tank functioning at the same time as his oxygen concentrator?

All for the sake of getting a manicure? Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? How selfish! Guilty thoughts swirled around in my head as I drove to the salon, but as I pushed those aside, a teeny tiny voice of reason crept in and told me that I need some time too. My needs are important too, no matter how trivial they seem. I can't stop living because Hubby has COPD. He is at home. He is safe.

Calling home mid-morning I asked Hubby how it went.
"I waited until 9:00. The nurse hadn't arrived. So I had my coffee anyway."
"You did?"
"Well yes, I couldn't wait forever! And then around 20 minutes later somebody from Home Care called to tell me that the nurse was sick. They'd have to re-book."

Although Hubby will have to go through the whole "fasting for 12 hours" routine another day, I'm glad I listened to the teeny, tiny voice in my head and didn't cancel my plans for the day.