Thursday, July 17, 2008

Two for the Price of One

O.K. - 3 - if you count the limerick at the end.

The First Menopausal Moment was when I bopped into Subway to pick up sandwich. Two, actually, since I had a coupon - buy 1 and get 1 free.

Confidently walked up to the Server "I'll have 2 turkey sandwiches to go please......And I have a coupon." I announced smugly.

Plunked my purse down on the counter. Started rummaging around. No coupon.
O.K. - out comes the car keys, lipstick, nail polish (nail polish? - haven't had my nails done since the beginning of summer), kleenex, hand lotion, etc. etc.
No coupon.
O.K. I'll check out the secret zipper pocket, deep inside my purse.
All this time the Server was waiting patiently.
Ah - ha! "Here it is," I shouted triumphantly waving the coupon about in the air.

The Server looked at me. "Umm.... this coupon is for Dagwood's - not here."
Oops!

Second Menopausal Moment:
I pulled into the gas station to fill up the car. Already late and impatient, I jumped out to fill it myself. The place was very busy - everyone wanted gas, and it was a Self-Serve - but I don't want to wait for the busy Attendant to get to me. So I squashed the hose, filled up my tank, and gave my money to the Attendant. Jumped back in the car and started negotiating my way around cars that were waiting for their turn.

Geeze - this place is too full - let me outta here.
O.K. relax, go get a coffee.
"Please don't stop the music......." sang Rhianna or somebody, over the radio.
"Please don't stop the music..... the music.... the music......."
Oh, I like that song, I thought to myself as I waited for a break in the traffic to pull away from this busy place.

I turned the knob of my radio, so I could hear the song better. Nothing.
Meanwhile, I saw a break and focused my attention on pulling into the traffic. No time to glance down at the radio.
Hey - where did the music go? I turned the knob again - a little louder this time.

Oops - that wasn't my radio - my radio was turned off!! Somebody else must have pulled away from the station, taking my song with them!

And #3 if you want to call these poems and limericks "menopausal moments" - another limerick popped into my head as I was washing up before getting into bed.

Gettin' Old

There are spots on my skin
I've got hairs on my chin
And boobs that sag down to the floor
But I don't care a fig
That my butt's gettin' big
At least I can get through the door!

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

As rhymes flock to your mind,
When your angst is refined,
And your menopause thoughts seek a fix,
You may think it's not fair--
Or perhaps you don't care--
But limericks have five lines, not six.

So the menopause haze
You say clouded your days
Isn't two for the purchase of one.
It's three, or it's four,
And--who knows?--maybe more?
Since menopause now has begun.

Five lines? Yes, that's true,
And I'm betting that you
Knew that perfectly well, at one time.
But memory glitched,
So your poem was enriched,
With that extra line in the rhyme.

Anne

JeanMac said...

Terrific.

Cheryl said...

Wendy your ace
come visit my space
for peace and a little bit of quiet
For the fun that you give
for the way that you live
I beg you please don't go on a diet

annette said...

You are too funny. Blessings to you.

Annette

Rose said...

LOL, Wendy. I can sure relate to this. Here's my silly little attempt:

There once was a woman named Rose
Who grew to hate shopping for clothes
But if a plant she did see
She'd buy it with glee
Now her garden helps banish her woes.

Wendy said...

Oh Anne - you make me laugh! I suppose I did know that once upon a time (5 lines, not 6). Then where do these rhymes come from? Who knows! Yours is quite witty!

Wendy said...

Oh Cheryl - you are hilarious!!! That was really cute! I have no intention of going on a diet!

Wendy said...

Oh Rose - that is so good! Isn't this fun? And I had no idea what to blog about. It all just came out.

Hi Annette and Jeanmac - thanks for stopping by.

Femail doc said...

Well Wendy has already given me the go-ahead to move her moments over to menopausemoments.blogspot.com.
Anne, may I use your poem to follow hers?

Judy

Bear Naked said...

I spent all the day and the night
Thinking what would be perfect to write
But like Wendy has told
My mind's getting old
I forget what I wanted to say
So this time I guess I can't play.

Bear((( )))

Wendy said...

Hi Judy,
Sure hope we can read your book one day....

Hi Bear Naked - that sounded good. See what we can do when we just "let it all hang out?"

Anonymous said...

Note to Judy (Sorry--I tried emailing you, but my message was returned to me, so am answering here)--By all means, you are welcome to use it.

Anne

Wendy said...

Hi Anne - you can click on "femail doc" on the above comment to reach Judy's blog.

kenju said...

My latest menopause moment was when I tried to use a Food Lion coupon at Lowe's Grocery! I felt like an idiot.

Wendy said...

Hi Kenju - oh I know that feeling. But the "store people" probably see that all the time. But I still feel so embarassed!

Mary said...

Oh I am laughing out loud! We've all had those moments...

That Anne is a poet!

You have attendants at gas stations? Lucky you. We're self serve all the way!
:o)

YOU are funny. I like it here.

Mary

Wendy said...

Thanks Mary - I like your blog too. Yes, we do still have some gas station attendants, but I fear they are going the way of the "dodo bird". How's that for an old-fashioned expression!