Saturday, September 13, 2008

Life Cycles

Summer is winding down. A flower on my pink hibiscus droops.....
as does Hubby.

Summer was not kind to Hubby. Too much humidity. Too much rain.
Made for difficult breathing, sapping his strength.

We did go out in the car - briefly. A 20-minute ride to our favourite coffee spot; through the drive-thru and back home again - take-out coffee cups in our hands.
20 minutes - all he could handle.
But, at least he got out. A change of scenery from our back deck.
As the weather cools down and turns downright cold, outings will be a memory once again.

Towards the end of August, we had some unexpected good weather. Warm temps, low humidity and Hubby looked happy once more.

But with every "up", there will inevitably be a "down".
And with every "down", we will hopefully have brighter days to look forward to.

So, we make the best of it. When he spends most of the day sleeping, I don't freak out anymore. I know his tired body just needs extra rest. Perhaps it's the coffee outing..... or bath day...... or digestion is taking it's toll. (I made him french toast the other day - his favourite; but it sat like a lead balloon in his stomach all morning, forcing him to rest in his chair).

Little things like that creep up on us. Yesterday he could eat french toast, oatmeal, fried eggs. Today, he can't. Yesterday (it seems) he could drive the car, rake leaves, enjoy a glass of wine. Today - those pleasures are long gone.

You can see how fragile he is. Nothing new..... I've said it before, but it still amazes me how he can function day after day with so little strength, so little lung capacity.
And yet on good days, when his eyes light up with a smile, I can see his spirit; I can see the old Hubby...... before COPD.

And so.......Life goes on.....


Rose said...

Life does go on, and you are making the best of it by appreciating every triumph or joyful moment, no matter how fleeting. I wish you well, Wendy, and more happy moments.

Beverly said...

I have never been down your path, but I think of you and your hubby as you watch his decline. It's wonderful that we have memories of better days to sustain us, isn't it.

You commented on how Ella looks well and happy. Happy she is, and so far healthy. She had a cough for a while, but with treatments, it has diminished.

My son and his wife make sure that her life is being lived to the full while she is healthy and working on keeping her that way until the cure is found.

Thanks always for your visits.

beckie said...

I think of you often Wendy. Hoping you are being good to yourself. i am glad you are able to see the highs and enjoy them and not dwell on the downs. Take care dear Wendy.

Bear Naked said...

I will keep both of you in my prayers.
Bear hugs to you both.

Bear((( )))

Q said...

Dear Wendy,
You are strong. I respect you so very much. Watching your Hubby stuggle and celebrating the good times, being grateful and having a sunny dispostion is inspiring.
Thank you for telling the truth and being the kind compassionate person you are.
Sending much love and light,
Sending laughter,

Mimi said...

I agree with everyone here. You are an amazing fortress of a person. I am glad that you have some "up moments" at least. They are worth so much. Hugs.

femail doc said...

You write so well--your style has changed in a very good way. Thanks for sharing the ride, the ups and downs, and for all your musings on your world.

JeanMac said...

Thinking of you tonight.

Carin Fuchs said...

I do not have a great experience in caregiving. I was only once in the position to care for someone and only for a short periode of time. Infact only three month and during this time there were almost no 'ups' but a great many 'downs'. It was very exhausting, I clinged at every tiny 'up' and fell so much deeper every time these dreaded 'downs' came again and again. In the end my dear mother (and best girlfriend) died during the second cycle of chemotherapy.
My heart wents out whenever I read of your dear husbands ups and downs because I think I know how exhausted you must feel sometimes. All I can say - but you know that for yourself already - make as much as possible of the ups.

Wendy said...

Hi Rose - thanks for your kind words.

Hi Bev, yes its these happy memories that I intend to hold on to.
I am glad your son and his wife have such a good attitude. Ella is lucky to be born into such a loving family.

Wendy said...

Hi Beckie - thank you for your concern and your kind thoughts. Some days I do dwell on the downs. But you can't stay down forever. And I have good friends like you to cheer me up!

Thanks Bear - cyber hugs back!

Hi Sherry - oh, thank you for the laughter! I need it. I was looking for the moon last night. It was rather elusive because of the clouds. It reminded me of some of the fun posts I did over the summer - and the poetry we enjoyed on each others blogs.
You also are a kind and compassionate soul, thank you for your friendship.
Light and Love

Wendy said...

Thanks Mimi - sometimes I feel like the bottom of the pit - not a strong person at all, but it is nice to hear caring comments from everybody. One day, we'll climb that mango tree of yours!

Hi Judy, thanks for popping in. Hope everything is alright in your world.

Wendy said...

Hi JeanMac - thanks for your good wishes.

Hi Carin - thanks for stopping in. Yes, caregiving can be exhausting. Your mother was lucky to have you to look after her when she was sick. Three months is still three months - and those dreaded "downs" make you think that life is over.
Ah - but those ups!