In My Somewhat Cocoon

I feel like I am living in a cocoon.

In his illness, Hubby has drawn a cocoon around himself.

I need to remain near him; easing his burden; helping him stay alive. Feeding his energy, as mine ebbs.


And so I am forced to live in a cocoon as well.


Well, maybe not quite. I can push open the back door and rush out to snatch laundry off the clothesline before it rains. Or fling open the front door, hop onto my bike and chase after the full moon, if I want.


Hubby can't. He would sit by the window and watch.....


I can jump in the car and go shopping, fill up on gas (not that anybody looks forward to that - at these prices), check out new books at the library, visit the garden center.


Hubby can't. He sits at home and waits for me to return.....


My daughter calls: "Mom can you come and babysit today and tomorrow?"

"I'd love to, but I can't do both. How about tomorrow?" My daughter understands.


Hubby stays home. He rarely sees his grandchild. His Elder Son comes here to visit.......once in a while..... and only if he doesn't have a cold.


Then why do I feel as if I'm in a cocoon? I can come and go as I please.
Well, not really. My "freedom" is limited.

Then I must be living somewhat in a cocoon. Partially in a cocoon. With little cat doors or windows, where I can crawl out from time to time....to nourish my spirit.

While my body "rests" in my Somewhat Cocoon, my mind is working furiously:

Why am I so cut off from social life? I can't work. I can't travel. I can't pick up and go whenever I want. Every visit to the library, to my grandchildren, to grocery shop must be planned around Hubby's needs. I can't stay away overnight.

What is this supposed to be teaching me?
Where is my learning, my growth in this experience?
It is said "When one door closes another opens".
Which door is that and where is it?

It looks as though Life has given me a gift. A bit of a "time out" from the flow of normal outside activities.
Time for what? Inner growth?
Is that what happens inside a cocoon?


Should I be rejoicing? Well I'm not. I'm like a child who was not invited to the party....... I stick my nose against the windowpane and look longingly at the rest of the world, that merrily goes on without me.

Will I look back on this time and say "I was handed a golden opportunity - the time to develop my inner self. Why didn't I publish my book, write another one, create an on-line business, learn some crafts, languages, and anything else that took my fancy?"

Will I look back on this time and remember only the good parts? Will I feel blessed with the strength of our love that kept us going.

All my lessons of ......
Focus on what you have - not what you don't have.
If you can't change your situation, change your attitude (or energy).
Life is not waiting for the storm to pass; it's learning to dance in the rain.
.......are not working today.



I long for the day when I can fly free. Shake out my glistening butterfly wings and...... go. Escape to a sunny tropical beach; lie on the sand and listen...... to the rhythmic song of the waves, as they soothe my weary soul.


But that day will also be laced with grief; saturated with tears and pain. Hubby will be gone.

So I sit in my Somewhat Cocoon today.......

Waiting for the Storm to Pass instead of...... Learning to Dance in the Rain.