Saturday, May 31, 2008

Looking in the Mirror - or - My Mom & Dad

My father's blood courses all through my body.

I was standing in the shower thinking that thought the other day. Where did it come from?
I've always rejected my father. Did not get along with him.
But when I look in the mirror I see his soulful eyes staring back at me from under shaggy, dark eyebrows. Yup, I inherited Dad's eyebrows.
My little sister was the lucky one. She inherited Mom's gently curving very feminine eyebrows.

Ten Years Ago - I looked in the mirror and saw my mother's face. Where was I? I turned and twisted but could still see Mom. Grabbing a comb, I yanked it through my hair, hoping the motion would somehow shatter the image of Mom's face and bring back my own.
It didn't.
Then I woke up and remembered that Mom had died a week earlier. What did this dream mean? Was I to fill her shoes? Look after my Dad?

It's been ten years since Mom and Dad passed away. They died within 8 weeks of each other.

My mommy was so special. She shaped and molded me into the person I am today. Her garden was her pride and joy; and that love for all living things, was her legacy to me, my brothers and sisters. Each person, plant, animal and living being was unique - to be respected and cared for.
The cycles of the Earth, seasons, the wind, rain, sun and moon were her guideposts in this journey we call Life.

Mom was honest, generous, and kind. She read me stories, nurtured me when I was sick, and taught me many valuable lessons, one of which was to always "stand in the other guy's shoes". In other words - look at a situation from the other person's point of view. I loved her dearly - I still do.

Even though she is not of this Earth, I still feel her bond, her connection very deeply.
But - her presence is fading. It's as though she's not here any more. I don't dream about her, nor does she pop into my head and thoughts as sharply and clearly as she once did.

The only explanation I can think of is that somehow, her work here is done. And it's time for her to move on - to whatever is awaiting her spirit.

My Dad, on the other hand, fills me with his presence. He is in my dreams. His face is very clear. His gentleness and love shine down on me when I least expect it. The strong, dominating, often angry father he was in life is gone. I am no longer afraid of him. Instead, I feel a sense of connection - something I haven't felt since I was a small child. It was my rebellious teenage years that drove a wedge between us. That rift was never repaired. Until after he died.

Dear Mom,
It's been ten years since you left this Earth. You now have 5 new great-grandchildren. And one grandchild you never met. I am glad you did not have to attend your eldest son's funeral. He slipped quietly from this Earth 4 years after you and Dad.
I am so blessed to have had you for my mother.
Your work is done. Rest in peace - you've earned it.


annie's eyes said...

Beautiful reflection on life and those who have left us. I, too find myself not feeling my mother's presence as I once did, no more dreams, and I hadn't thought about it being perhaps her work was complete. I appreciate that comfort today. Thank you.
Bless you, Annette

JeanMac said...

I think things fade to protect us - we could not live with the raw, initial grief forever. I sometimes have to "think" to recall something about Mom but she is ever near in spirit - been 10 years.I will still dream and see her dress or a piece of jewelry so real I awake in a sweat.

30 years from Darling said...

That is beautiful, you brought tears to my eyes.

Thanks for this post.

deborah said...

a very sweet reflection of your mom and dad.

Cheryl said...

Hi Wendy....I have tears rolling down my parents are both elderly and unwell. I have had a trying day today and you caught my emotions.....

Memories do fade and grief is different for us all. We all move on eventually. I suppose we have to, its called survival.

Your mother was a wonderful woman, I think I would have liked her.....

Tku for a beautiful post and giving me some time to put things into perspective.

Beverly said...

Your post is so thoughtful. Thank you for sharing with us.

MoM2-2GoodBoys said...

Beautifully put Wendy. Your very heartfelt sentiments on your parents brought tears to my eyes.

Wendy said...

Hi Annette,
Thanks for sharing that part of yourself with me. I am glad I could offer some comfort - and as I read other posts I am also comforted.

Wendy said...

Hi Jeanmac,
I know - a mother is always there in spirit. Hugs.

Hi 30-years-from-darling - tears are meant to be shared. Thanks for being here.

Thank you, Deborah.

Wendy said...

Thank you Cheryl for your kind words. I know you would have loved my mom - and she you.
It is hard to watch parents become frail and elderly. Bless you.

Hi Bev and Mary,
Thank you both for stopping by and sharing your feelings.

Q said...

Dear Wendy,
I often miss my Mom and Dad. I really miss my sister. She died too young at age 49.
Thank you for your post.

Wendy said...

Hi Sherry,
Sorry this is so late - I miss my brother too. He was 56. Even though we weren't close, it's hard to think of a sibling as gone. Thanks for stopping by and sharing a part of yourself.