Saturday, January 19, 2008

Sometimes we try so darn hard..... dance in the rain (or snow) that we end up falling flat on our faces. I'm talking about the quote "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain".

I can't go to work - Hubby needs me at home. I miss the socialization of being out in the workforce, not to mention the paycheque.
So, I'm at home. And it's winter.
I'm happy with this Blog. It lets me be creative, completely on my terms.
But it's still winter.
I need something else to do. Something that will bring in money and make me feel productive. Just until gardening season. Then I'll be outside all day, my hands in the warm Earth.

I saw an ad in the newspaper for a "medical transcriptionist".
I used to do that years ago. I'm sure I can still do medical typing now.
I applied - and got the job.
Then I read the contract and found out how much they pay - actually how little they paid.

I fell flat on my face.
I had imagined this to be such a wonderful business opportunity. I'd rise to the top of the ranks in no time! Look out world-of-stay-at-home-people-who-work-from-home.
I was going to be successful!

I peeked in at Hubby - still peacefully sleeping, totally unaware of my inner chaos.
He has no idea the amount of soul-searching I do when he sleeps.
I could tell he wasn't very happy when I got the job. But I resolved to go ahead anyway - until I read the contract.

Just the thought of working with my left brain instead of my right put me in a tailspin. The money was just the trigger, the straw that broke the camel's back, the perceived insult that got me back on track.

So I think I'll stop dancing in the rain or snow - just let things be for now.
And pretend there is no storm.


JOY said...

I understand needing to do something else that gives you a sense of satisfaction & brings in a few extra bucks as well. I think alot of us caregivers are not working much outside the home. Our job is demanding enought as it is! I wonder sometimes what my hubby would do without me around.(I soul search alot while he sleeps too as I'm considerably younger, 14 years.) is $21-$25 per hour.and that's all they do is exactly what you do for love everyday.So never devalue yourself for not having a job outside the home. I make sure hubby gets fresh coffee & breakfast in bed every morning, I make sure he gets out of bed (hopefully before noon.)I make sure he takes his vitamins & medications, I check his oxygen I make sure he gets a bath & brushes his teeth & many other things that most grownups are ususally capable of doing themselves without any prodding from anyone. I love gardening too. In the winter I build terrariums. Any hobby ( stained glass, ceramics or pottery or anything of that nature provides a creative outlet, and something different to focus on for a while other than caregiving~)

I always used to say "If you want breakfast in bed you should sleep in the kitchen" ( I guess the novelty wears off after two years what do you think?)

Wendy said...

Oh I know what hubby would do without me. He'd have to go into assisted living. There is no way he could manage on his own. But a gentle reminder of just how much we Caregivers do is much appreciated. Thanks, Joy.

And you are right about "something different to focus on other than caregiving". I went shopping the other day for my granddaughter's birthday. I really had a lot of fun, just getting out and buying cute pink dresses and some books.
I actually felt "normal" for a while.