Wednesday, March 5, 2008

One Day at a Time

"How's Hubby?" daughter asked over the phone this morning. Hubby is not her father.
She belongs to Hubby #1.

"Tired, nauseaous, does not want to eat, went for a nap after his bath this morning".

"How's Baby?" I asked.
"Tired, crabby, did not want to eat, went for a much needed nap this morning after her bath."

Hmmmm - do I see a parallel?

Hubby is starting one of his spirals downward. It seems all I ever write about is his ups and downs. They are happening with more and more frequency. At least the downs aren't too far down. The ups aren't too far up, either.

Last night lying in bed, he told me his chest was "heavy". Vital signs were normal, making heart involvement not likely a concern. But - I was concerned anyway.

Nausea, fatigue, dizziness - are all signs of C02 build-up. This heavy chest was disconcerting.
I held him close to me and prayed.
Please don't take him yet.

I saw myself in this life cuddling Hubby. He was warm, breathing, and talking softly to me.
I looked ahead into the coming years at myself lying in that empty bed. Warm body, gentle breathing, soft voice - still.

I did not sleep well. Freezing rain pelted the windows. Fear of a power failure kept me awake as well.
I no longer wring my hands and say "will this ever end"?
I am so afraid it will.


Beverly said...

I am in awe of you and Jean over at A Mountain Too High who are dealing with all you're dealing with and can write so poetically.

I marvel.

Wendy said...

I cried writing this post. It had to come out. I think the act of writing helps me to process my feelings.
Thanks for stopping by, Bev.

JeanMac said...

Thinking of you - - -

Grandmother Goddess of the Garden said...

Thinking of you're amazing! Thanks for stopping by my blog and the great comments!

Grandmother Goddess of the Garden said...

I cried reading your post!

Grammy said...

I too have put a number of tears in your blog tonight
And I feel your pain is some what like my pain. But we have diffrent types of hubby's.

Wendy said...

Thanks all - life sucks sometimes. I am glad of your kind support.