One Day at a Time

"How's Hubby?" daughter asked over the phone this morning. Hubby is not her father.
She belongs to Hubby #1.

"Tired, nauseaous, does not want to eat, went for a nap after his bath this morning".

"How's Baby?" I asked.
"Tired, crabby, did not want to eat, went for a much needed nap this morning after her bath."

Hmmmm - do I see a parallel?

Hubby is starting one of his spirals downward. It seems all I ever write about is his ups and downs. They are happening with more and more frequency. At least the downs aren't too far down. The ups aren't too far up, either.

Last night lying in bed, he told me his chest was "heavy". Vital signs were normal, making heart involvement not likely a concern. But - I was concerned anyway.

Nausea, fatigue, dizziness - are all signs of C02 build-up. This heavy chest was disconcerting.
I held him close to me and prayed.
Please don't take him yet.

I saw myself in this life cuddling Hubby. He was warm, breathing, and talking softly to me.
I looked ahead into the coming years at myself lying in that empty bed. Warm body, gentle breathing, soft voice - still.
Gone.

I did not sleep well. Freezing rain pelted the windows. Fear of a power failure kept me awake as well.
I no longer wring my hands and say "will this ever end"?
I am so afraid it will.